Alright, metalheads (and those who pretend to be), gather ’round and let’s dissect another “iconic” moment in metal history, shall we? 🙄 On a recent episode of the “100 Songs That Define Heavy Metal” podcast – because apparently, we need podcasts to tell us what’s heavy – Metal Blade Records CEO Brian Slagel (who?) chatted with none other than Dave Lombardo about SLAYER’s “Raining Blood.” You know, that song EVERYONE pretends to like at parties to prove they’re “metal.” 🤘
So, the burning question everyone’s been losing sleep over (not really): Where did that earth-shattering intro come from? You know, the one that sounds like someone dropped a microwave in a thunderstorm? ⛈️ Lombardo, bless his heart, says it was the late Jeff Hanneman. Apparently, Jeffy-boy recorded a demo with drums and guitar that sounded so “odd” the rest of the band was like, “WTF, Jeff? Seriously?” 😂 But hey, they went with it, because, you know, “art.” And the rain? Who knows! Maybe Jeff was just really into weather reports. 🤷♂️
Lombardo then proceeded to bless us with his profound insights into his drumming approach. He claims he was totally inspired by the gods of metal drumming: IRON MAIDEN, MOTÖRHEAD, JUDAS PRIEST. Yeah, because ripping off other drummers is totally original. 🙄 But then, dun dun DUN, Rick Rubin swoops in like a metal messiah! 😇 Apparently, Rick “honed” Lombardo’s creativity, telling him things like, “Don’t overplay, genius!” Wow, groundbreaking stuff. 🤯 So, basically, Lombardo’s saying he learned to play drums like a functional human being thanks to Rick Rubin. Thanks, Rick! 🙏
But wait, there’s more! Lombardo, in his infinite wisdom, claims that touring “immensely” helped SLAYER’s musicianship. You know, because playing the same songs over and over again in front of sweaty, screaming fans is SO creatively stimulating. 🤪 He says he started hearing music in a “more performance way,” whatever that means. 🤔 So, basically, touring taught them how to not suck live. Groundbreaking. 💯
“Reign In Blood” was released on October 7, 1986. Big whoop. 🙄 Kerrang! magazine, in their infinite wisdom, called it “the heaviest album of all time.” Yeah, because Kerrang! is totally not biased or anything. 🤣
Oh, and let’s not forget the controversy! “Angel Of Death” was so offensive that Sony almost didn’t release the album! 😱 Because, you know, talking about Josef Mengele is TOTALLY cool and edgy. 🙄 But the bandmembers were all, “We’re not Nazis, we’re just interested in the subject!” Yeah, sure you are. 🤨
Hanneman, bless his cotton socks, couldn’t understand what the big deal was. “It’s a documentary!” he whined. “Grow up, people!” Yeah, because documentaries never cause controversy. 🙄
“Reign In Blood” actually charted! At number 94! Woo-hoo! 🎉 And it was certified gold! Eventually! After, like, six years! 😴
Tom Araya chimed in, saying Rubin “duplicated what he was hearing.” Deep, Tom, real deep. 🧘♂️ And Kerry King, ever the insightful one, said that if the album came out today, “no one would give a shit.” Finally, some honesty! 🙌
Lombardo, ever the humble one, calls “Reign In Blood” a “masterpiece.” Yeah, because everyone needs to stroke their own ego once in a while. 🤡 He also claims it’s the “epitome of thrash music.” Because there’s totally no other good thrash albums out there. 🙄
And then, the drama! Lombardo got fired from SLAYER! 💥 Because of a contract dispute! Over money! 💰 Who would have thought that a band known for their anti-establishment lyrics would be so greedy? 🤷♀️
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
