‘Only Elite Assassins Can Do This,’ Says Candace Owens Of 6-Month-Old Crawling Across Kitchen Floor
NASHVILLE, TN — Podcast host Candace Owens explained to listeners that only the most highly-trained commandos could execute the…
Author: Finn
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed "Emperor of Irony," started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
Spider-Man reboot number umpteen is here to thrill your wallet again
The Spider-Man franchise is still swinging, because of course it is. Spider-Man: Brand New Day has arrived in theaters, hot…
Because Obviously We Need to Rewrite History to Justify Another Reboot
It’s a concept that has plagued philosophers and superheroes alike for centuries: the constraints of time. For Spider-Man, it’s not…
Catastrophe As Man Fails To Listen Closely Even Though Menu Options Have Changed
PEORIA, IL — Authorities advised all residents to be on high alert heading into the weekend, following a sudden…
Pastor Psyches Himself Up For Another Grueling One-Day Work Week
SAINT LOUIS, MO — It was officially “go time” on Friday at the home of one local pastor, as…
Netflix Loses Nicolas Cage Movie Copy Worth $105M Because Of Course They Did
Netflix is being sued for a whopping $105 million after losing an unencrypted copy of an unreleased World War II…
Tom Holland Hated Early Cut of Spider-Man: Brand New Day Because Of Course He Did
Because what’s a superhero movie without a few dozen test screenings and a healthy dose of audience feedback, right? Tom…
Mom Decides To Drop Kids Off For First Day Of School Three Weeks Early
DALLAS, TX — Citing extreme mental fatigue, local mother Sarah Jenkins made the decision this week to drop her…
RFK Jr. Cooking Show Features Easy Weeknight Meals Using Ingredients Already In Own Body
WASHINGTON—Saying the convenience of the quick but nutritious entrees could not be beat, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert…
Chicagoans Over 25 Urged To Shelter In Place Until Lollapalooza Over
The post Chicagoans Over 25 Urged To Shelter In Place Until Lollapalooza Over appeared first on The Onion. Read…