Announcers Watch Angels-Royals Game In Total Silence
The post Announcers Watch Angels-Royals Game In Total Silence appeared first on The Onion. Read More FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated…
Category: The Onion
Trump Downplays Significance Of Trump Tower Found On Epstein Island
WASHINGTON—Dismissing news of the 70-story skyscraper as a “hit job” manufactured by the mainstream media, President Donald Trump downplayed…
No One Translated To Foreign Players Why They Currently In Cornfield
The post No One Translated To Foreign Players Why They Currently In Cornfield appeared first on The Onion. Read…
Karoline Leavitt Slams Toddler Son Over Baseless Accusations That Caterpillar Very Hungry
WASHINGTON—Blasting the 2-year-old’s incessant lying to the American people, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt on Thursday slammed her…
Pros And Cons Of Flock Cameras
Surveillance company Flock’s automatic license plate readers, which are used by over 5,000 law enforcement agencies across 49 states,…
Tearful Mark Zuckerberg Smothers Metaverse Avatar With Digital Pillow
PALO ALTO, CA—Telling himself he had “no other choice” but to end the simulated character’s life himself before his…
SpaceX Rocket Crashes Into Moon
The discarded upper stage of a SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket crashed into the moon after drifting off course over…
Max Muncy Asks Shohei Ohtani If They Have Max Muncy In Japan
LOS ANGELES—Clarifying that he was simply curious whether there was a comparable version of himself overseas, Los Angeles Dodgers…
Newly Free Man Struggles To Readjust To Life Outside Having Penis Stuck In Hot Tub Jet
BLOOMFIELD, CA—Saying he would need to lean on family and friends for support as he began his journey to…
Eli Roth Admits Most Of ‘Ice Cream Man’ Not Made Using AI
LOS ANGELES—In an apology to the artistic community, director Eli Roth admitted Monday that most of horror film Ice…