Michael Strahan Surpasses Diane Sawyer As Good Morning America’s All-Time Sack Leader
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—After months of closing in on the former news anchor’s legendary record, Michael Strahan surpassed Diane Sawyer on…
Category: The Onion
Cannes Bans Nudity On Red Carpet
Read MoreThe OnionCannes Film Festival issued an updated red carpet dress code that effectively bans full nudity and “voluminous” ensembles,…
Trump Grants Refugee Status To Former SS Guards
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Condemning what he described as the disturbing and unjust treatment of the group, President Donald Trump granted refugee…
Bill Belichick Fairly Sure He Clapping for Correct Beauty Pageant Contestant
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Bill Belichick Fairly Sure He Clapping for Correct Beauty Pageant Contestant appeared first on The Onion. …
Baby Saves Affair
Read MoreThe OnionSANTA CLARA, CA—Following a long rough patch that had led them to consider ending their adulterous relationship, local…
NBA Combine Tests How Well Prospects DM Models On Instagram
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Evaluating whether top college talent like Ace Bailey, Dylan Harper, and Kasparas Jakučionis can actually clean up on…
Tips For Planning A Mother’s Day Brunch
Read MoreThe OnionWhether you go to a restaurant or host an event in your home, brunch is a great way…
God Loses $400 Betting On Cardinal Tagle
Read MoreThe OnionTHE HEAVENS—Cursing aloud the moment news of Leo XIV’s election arrived on His phone screen, the Lord Almighty…
Trump Offers Undocumented Immigrants $1,000 To Leave Country
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Donald Trump’s administration said that it is going to pay immigrants who are in the United States…
Trump Orders Reopening Of Alcatraz
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Donald Trump is directing the reopening and expansion of Alcatraz, the notorious former prison on a hard-to-reach…