Critics Praise Benson Boone Album As Finite
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Critics Praise Benson Boone Album As Finite appeared first on The Onion. Finn McFrameFinn McFrame, celebrated…
Category: The Onion
Man Gets Stuck In Chimney While Trying To Rescue Dog Trapped In Building
Read MoreThe OnionFirefighters had to rescue a man who got stuck in the chimney of a Connecticut parks building while…
Taylor Swift Wakes Up From Nightmare Where Travis Kelce Wins Oscar Before Her
Read MoreThe OnionBOCA RATON, FL—Sitting straight up in bed in a cold sweat as she struggled to shake the horrifying…
Why I’m Sending Issues of ‘The Onion’ To Every Member Of Congress
Read MoreThe OnionThe following is an open letter from Global Tetrahedron CEO Bryce P. Tetraeder that was included with each…
Elderly Man Gets Stuck After Driving Down Rome’s Spanish Steps
Read MoreThe OnionAn 80-year-old man has told police he was wrong to drive down Rome’s famed Spanish Steps after firefighters…
Sabrina Carpenter Undergoes State-Mandated Lobotomy To Cure Nymphomania
Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—Confirming that doctors had performed the procedure successfully, sources reported Friday that Sabrina Carpenter had undergone a…
Man Returning From Near-Death Experience Recalls Angels Making Him Sign NDA
Read MoreThe OnionHOUSTON—Recounting the deeply spiritual event as one that was life-changing but contractually difficult to articulate, area man Kyle…
Passengers At Gate Saddened By Poor Frightened Plane Loose Inside Airport
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Expressing concern that the small aircraft was going to accidentally hurt itself in its panic, passengers at O’Hare…
Gunman Takes Huge Swing Ordering Hostages Buffalo Chicken Pizza
Read MoreThe OnionCHATTANOOGA, TN—In the midst of an armed bank robbery that authorities said is still ongoing, an unidentified gunman…
Teacher Required To Provide Own Salary
Read MoreThe OnionBALTIMORE—As public schools across the country increasingly face budget shortfalls, educators like Patricia Harper, a fifth-grade teacher in…