Category: The Onion

       U.S. Circuit Judge Pauline Newman, the oldest active federal judge at 98 years old, asked the Supreme Court to…

       MILWAUKEE—Dashing his hopes of taking on the new opportunity, local job applicant Mark McCarthy was reportedly informed by email…

       About 3,800 workers at one of the nation’s largest meatpacking plants began striking in Colorado, the first walkout at…

       LOS ANGELES—Claiming it was the only place he wanted to go after receiving one of Hollywood’s highest honors, Academy…

       PIKEVILLE, KY—Speculating that a new path in life might improve his job prospects, unemployed man Ian Hampel, 36, told…

       LEAWOOD, KS—Groaning at the thought of having to be somewhere on the weekend, Travis Kelce was reportedly feeling bummed Monday after…

       WASHINGTON—In a bid to regain access to the sea passage through which ships enter the Persian Gulf, President Donald…

       WASHINGTON—Alarmed at the shocking lapse in protocol that nearly resulted in disaster, a shaken President Donald Trump ordered his…

       Originally a Catholic feast day for the patron saint of Ireland, St. Patrick’s Day has evolved into a global…

       KALISPELL, MT—Presenting a united front in their carefully timed effort, friends and coworkers announced plans Monday to gang up…