Florida Hospital Sues To Evict Patient Discharged 5 Months Ago
Tallahassee Memorial Healthcare sued a patient who refused to depart her room after being discharged last October, claiming she…
Category: The Onion
Lawmakers Buy Waterfall On Redfin
A bipartisan group of Oregon lawmakers approved $2.1 million to buy the 92-foot-tall Abiqua Falls after it was put…
ABC Cancels Mormonism
NEW YORK—Pulling the plug on the religion in light of a newly released video featuring church member Taylor Frankie…
American Baked Potato Association Study Finds It Best To Load ’Er Up
The post American Baked Potato Association Study Finds It Best To Load ’Er Up appeared first on The Onion.…
Third Date Apparently Just Going To Be Watching ‘Amélie’ Without Any Hugs Or Kisses
MILPITAS, CA—After gradually resigning himself to an evening entirely devoid of physical intimacy, local man Seth Martin observed Friday…
Trump Repeats False Claim That Iranians Produce Oil From Bodies Like Bees
The post Trump Repeats False Claim That Iranians Produce Oil From Bodies Like Bees appeared first on The Onion.…
Office NCAA Bracket Marks Yearly Interaction With Coworkers
CHICAGO—Sources confirmed Thursday that more than two dozen employees of logistics company LQR Freight had reluctantly agreed to participate…
Strait of Hormones
The post Strait of Hormones appeared first on The Onion. The post Strait of Hormones appeared first on The…
University Of Toledo Named Best College To Attend For Semester Before Dropping Out To Do Hair
WASHINGTON—Hailing the Midwestern school as one of the best places to pursue and then abandon an undergraduate education, U.S.…
98-Year-Old Federal Judge Appeals Suspension For Mental Fitness
U.S. Circuit Judge Pauline Newman, the oldest active federal judge at 98 years old, asked the Supreme Court to…