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Category: The Onion

RFK Jr. Spins Brain On Finger
The Onion

RFK Jr. Spins Brain On Finger

FinnApril 24, 2026

       The post RFK Jr. Spins Brain On Finger appeared first on The Onion.    The post RFK Jr. Spins Brain…

Walls Closing In On Toddler Who Claimed TV Broke Itself
The Onion

Walls Closing In On Toddler Who Claimed TV Broke Itself

FinnApril 23, 2026

       SAN JOSE, CA—With his explanation collapsing within seconds under the scrutiny of his parents, local toddler Timmy Herman reportedly…

Study Finds Gen Z Drinking Fewer Flagons Of Mead Than Medieval Generations
The Onion

Study Finds Gen Z Drinking Fewer Flagons Of Mead Than Medieval Generations

FinnApril 23, 2026

       ST. LOUIS—Revealing a drastic decline in regular honey-wine consumption among youths, a new study published by researchers at Saint…

Grindr To Host White House Correspondents Dinner Party
The Onion

Grindr To Host White House Correspondents Dinner Party

FinnApril 22, 2026

       LGBTQ dating app Grindr will host its first-ever White House Correspondents dinner party on Friday night before the event.…

Humanoid Robot Beats Human Half-Marathon Record
The Onion

Humanoid Robot Beats Human Half-Marathon Record

FinnApril 22, 2026

       A humanoid robot in Beijing finished a half marathon in 50 minutes and 26 seconds, about almost seven minutes…

Regretful Conservative Wakes Up To Find He Drunkenly Got Nazi Tattoo Removed
The Onion

Regretful Conservative Wakes Up To Find He Drunkenly Got Nazi Tattoo Removed

FinnApril 22, 2026

       COEUR D’ALENE, ID—Wincing from a pounding headache and hazy memories of debauchery, regretful conservative Nate Hanlon reportedly woke up…

Fractures Emerge Between GOP’s Pro-Pedophilia, Extremely Pro-Pedophilia Wings
The Onion

Fractures Emerge Between GOP’s Pro-Pedophilia, Extremely Pro-Pedophilia Wings

FinnApril 21, 2026

       The post Fractures Emerge Between GOP’s Pro-Pedophilia, Extremely Pro-Pedophilia Wings appeared first on The Onion.    The post Fractures Emerge…

Apple Backs Up Tim Cook’s Memories To Port Over Into Next CEO
The Onion

Apple Backs Up Tim Cook’s Memories To Port Over Into Next CEO

FinnApril 21, 2026

       The post Apple Backs Up Tim Cook’s Memories To Port Over Into Next CEO appeared first on The Onion.…

Rancor Baby
The Onion

Rancor Baby

FinnApril 21, 2026

       The post Rancor Baby appeared first on The Onion.    The post Rancor Baby appeared first on The Onion. Read More…

‘Michael’ Criticized For Depicting Neverland Ranch With Cooler Rides Than It Actually Had
The Onion

‘Michael’ Criticized For Depicting Neverland Ranch With Cooler Rides Than It Actually Had

FinnApril 21, 2026

       WASHINGTON—Denouncing what they called a “sickening” misrepresentation of the facts, critics of a new Michael Jackson biopic argued Monday…

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