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Category: The Onion

White House Aide Fired After Telling JD Vance About Super Bowl Party 
The Onion

White House Aide Fired After Telling JD Vance About Super Bowl Party 

FinnFebruary 2, 2026

       WASHINGTON—Insisting the terminated worker had violated the terms of her employment by leaking highly sensitive information, the White House announced Monday…

Groundhog Harassed By Dipshits In Stupid Hats
The Onion

Groundhog Harassed By Dipshits In Stupid Hats

FinnFebruary 2, 2026

       The post Groundhog Harassed By Dipshits In Stupid Hats appeared first on The Onion.    The post Groundhog Harassed By…

Fans Explain Why They Love K-Pop
The Onion

Fans Explain Why They Love K-Pop

FinnFebruary 2, 2026

       The Onion asked K-pop’s biggest fans to explain their devotion, in their own words. “I’m just trying to behave…

Melania Trump Documentary Fails To Sell Tickets
The Onion

Melania Trump Documentary Fails To Sell Tickets

FinnFebruary 1, 2026

       Poor ticket sales for Melania Trump’s documentary Melania have led to rescue efforts by the GOP that include buying…

Rifle-Wielding Chair Umpire Asks Crowd If Making Noise During Australian Open Truly Worth Dying For
The Onion

Rifle-Wielding Chair Umpire Asks Crowd If Making Noise During Australian Open Truly Worth Dying For

FinnJanuary 31, 2026

       The post Rifle-Wielding Chair Umpire Asks Crowd If Making Noise During Australian Open Truly Worth Dying For appeared first…

LeBron James Clearly Using Golf Simulator On Bench
The Onion

LeBron James Clearly Using Golf Simulator On Bench

FinnJanuary 30, 2026

       The post LeBron James Clearly Using Golf Simulator On Bench appeared first on The Onion.    The post LeBron James…

TikTok Blocks Mentions Of Jeffrey Epstein
The Onion

TikTok Blocks Mentions Of Jeffrey Epstein

FinnJanuary 30, 2026

       TikTok users in the U.S. claimed they were unable to write the word “Epstein” in messages, fueling accusations that…

New Sydney Sweeney Lingerie Line Will Accommodate Sizes Humungo Through Awooga
The Onion

New Sydney Sweeney Lingerie Line Will Accommodate Sizes Humungo Through Awooga

FinnJanuary 30, 2026

       The post New Sydney Sweeney Lingerie Line Will Accommodate Sizes Humungo Through Awooga appeared first on The Onion.    The…

RFK Jr. Demonstrates How To Remove Tapeworm By Scooting Ass Across Carpet
The Onion

RFK Jr. Demonstrates How To Remove Tapeworm By Scooting Ass Across Carpet

FinnJanuary 30, 2026

       WASHINGTON—In an address touting the practice as a completely drug-free method to relieve the common affliction, Secretary of Health…

Culinary Students Given Live Baby To Learn How To Care For Bag Of Flour
The Onion

Culinary Students Given Live Baby To Learn How To Care For Bag Of Flour

FinnJanuary 30, 2026

       HYDE PARK, NY—Stifling their groans as an instructor distributed the wailing infants, students at the Culinary Institute of America…

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