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Category: The Onion

TikTok Blocks Mentions Of Jeffrey Epstein
The Onion

TikTok Blocks Mentions Of Jeffrey Epstein

FinnJanuary 30, 2026

       TikTok users in the U.S. claimed they were unable to write the word “Epstein” in messages, fueling accusations that…

New Sydney Sweeney Lingerie Line Will Accommodate Sizes Humungo Through Awooga
The Onion

New Sydney Sweeney Lingerie Line Will Accommodate Sizes Humungo Through Awooga

FinnJanuary 30, 2026

       The post New Sydney Sweeney Lingerie Line Will Accommodate Sizes Humungo Through Awooga appeared first on The Onion.    The…

RFK Jr. Demonstrates How To Remove Tapeworm By Scooting Ass Across Carpet
The Onion

RFK Jr. Demonstrates How To Remove Tapeworm By Scooting Ass Across Carpet

FinnJanuary 30, 2026

       WASHINGTON—In an address touting the practice as a completely drug-free method to relieve the common affliction, Secretary of Health…

Culinary Students Given Live Baby To Learn How To Care For Bag Of Flour
The Onion

Culinary Students Given Live Baby To Learn How To Care For Bag Of Flour

FinnJanuary 30, 2026

       HYDE PARK, NY—Stifling their groans as an instructor distributed the wailing infants, students at the Culinary Institute of America…

Ilhan Omar Sprayed With Liquid At Town Hall
The Onion

Ilhan Omar Sprayed With Liquid At Town Hall

FinnJanuary 29, 2026

       Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) was rushed by a man during a town hall and sprayed with what was revealed…

Trump’s First Year In Office
The Onion

Trump’s First Year In Office

FinnJanuary 29, 2026

       Trump’s First Year In Office Since returning to the White House, President Trump has significantly escalated his incendiary rhetoric, legally…

Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Spotted Wearing Glove Over Head
The Onion

Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Spotted Wearing Glove Over Head

FinnJanuary 29, 2026

       The post Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Spotted Wearing Glove Over Head appeared first on The Onion.    The post…

Noah Wyle Fed Up With Pushy Fan Tracheotomy Requests
The Onion

Noah Wyle Fed Up With Pushy Fan Tracheotomy Requests

FinnJanuary 29, 2026

       SANTA BARBARA, CA—Groaning as yet another stranger shoved a ballpoint pen in his face, actor Noah Wyle stated Thursday…

ICE Agent Stuffs Sock Under Mask To Give Himself Chin
The Onion

ICE Agent Stuffs Sock Under Mask To Give Himself Chin

FinnJanuary 28, 2026

       The post ICE Agent Stuffs Sock Under Mask To Give Himself Chin appeared first on The Onion.    The post…

Man Unrecognizable After Full 8 Hours Of Sleep
The Onion

Man Unrecognizable After Full 8 Hours Of Sleep

FinnJanuary 28, 2026

       BOSTON—Prompting exclamations of astonishment from colleagues and supervisors, local man Joshua Lingard reportedly appeared entirely unrecognizable Wednesday after enjoying…

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