Category: The Onion

       MACKINSHAW, NE—Emphasizing that he didn’t want to seem paranoid but it was the only way he could make sense…

       WASHINGTON—Praising the recipients for their acts of true American cowardice, President Donald Trump proudly announced a new “Dodger Dividend” on…

       The post Trump Assures Struggling Nation He Has Plenty Of Money appeared first on The Onion.    The post Trump…

       NAPERVILLE, IL—Scurrying into the alley as employees chased her with a broom, Aldi CEO Atty McGrath reportedly had to…

       Fundraising website GoFundMe reported a sharp uptick in the number of people using the platform to help cover the…

       MINNEAPOLIS—Excitedly revealing to the staff that she had a special surprise, local data analyst Kayla Herrera reportedly delighted coworkers…

       The post Downer and Blitzin’ appeared first on The Onion.    The post Downer and Blitzin’ appeared first on The…

       SCHAUMBURG, IL—Claiming the new offering would revolutionize the use of pasta sauce in stress reduction and pain relief, Ragú…

       PITTSBURGH—Raising his hands before him as his eyes turned ominously white, the referee of the Steelers–Dolphins game was heard…

       The post FBI Designates Brown University Shooting A Cold Case appeared first on The Onion.    The post FBI Designates…