Small Town Kind Where Everyone Leaves Chastity Belts Unlocked
Read MoreThe OnionAMESVILLE, OH—Explaining that the tight-knit community was built upon a strong foundation of trust, residents of this small…
Category: The Onion
‘Show Me Where You Make Autism!’ Shouts RFK Jr., Storming Sour Patch Kids Factory
Read MoreThe OnionEAST HANOVER, NJ—As part of the health secretary’s highly publicized pledge to determine the cause of the disorder…
Nation Can’t Believe It On Harvard’s Side
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Nation Can’t Believe It On Harvard’s Side appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical…
Woman Charged With Selling Human Bones On Facebook Marketplace
Read MoreThe OnionA curio shop owner was arrested and charged for allegedly selling “genuine human remains” online, attempting to pass…
Parenting Experts Share Tips For Talking To Kids About Being Heir To Throne Of Small European Kingdom
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Stressing that the delicate subject should be broached sensitively and responsibly, parenting experts from the University of Chicago…
Arsonist Sets Fire To Pennsylvania Governor’s Mansion
Read MoreThe OnionA man is in custody after scaling an iron security fence in the middle of the night, eluding…
Nephew In Trouble For Strangling Again
Read MoreThe OnionWILMINGTON, DE—Adding to his streak of disagreeable behavior, 12-year-old nephew Cooper Goodpaster was reportedly in trouble for strangling…
You’re Not The Man I Married—You’re Significantly More Attractive And Loving
Read MoreThe OnionGerald, we need to talk. None of this is going to be easy for you to hear, but…
Salvadoran President Claims He Lacks Humanity To Return Wrongly Deported Man
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—During a visit with President Donald Trump at the White House, El Salvador’s president Nayib Bukele claimed Monday…
Stephen A. Smith Hasn’t Ruled Out Living Cushy Life As Millionaire TV Personality With No Responsibilities
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—Insisting he was keeping all avenues open as he explored his future, ESPN commentator Stephen A. Smith…