DEA Classifies Red Wine As Schedule I Drug To Spite Ex-Wife
Read MoreThe OnionSPRINGFIELD, VA—In a decision meant to crack down on the allegedly dangerous substance and the “total fucking bitch”…
Category: The Onion
Washington Monument Collapses After Someone Pulls Loose Block
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Washington Monument Collapses After Someone Pulls Loose Block appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated…
Trump ‘Not Joking’ About Seeking Third Term
Read MoreThe OnionDonald Trump claimed he is not joking about the possibility of seeking a third presidential term despite it…
Attorney General Seeks Death Penalty For All UnitedHealthcare Customers
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Attorney General Seeks Death Penalty For All UnitedHealthcare Customers appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame,…
College Campus Tour Ends Inside Unmarked ICE Vehicle
Read MoreThe OnionITHACA, NY—As nearly a dozen prospective students were forced into the back of a car with tinted windows,…
COBRA Extension Lets Terminated Employees Continue Raiding Office Fridge For 18 Months
Read MoreThe OnionMANCHESTER, NH—Saying the option offered an extra safety net to anyone faced with a job loss, administrators at…
Trump Says He Won’t Rule Out Third Reich
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Trump Says He Won’t Rule Out Third Reich appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated…
Dietary Restrict-Funs
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Dietary Restrict-Funs appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of…
Man Spends Afternoon Volunteering Opinions About The Homeless
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—Saying he found the activity enriched his life and provided him with a real sense of purpose,…
Gen Z, Millennials Prefer Influencer Content Over Premium Entertainment
Read MoreThe OnionA new Deloitte study found that about 50% of younger consumers prefer watching creator-driven content on social media…