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From White Power to World Peace: State Dept. Appoints Conference Attendee to Institute of Peace
Elephant Reads CNN

From White Power to World Peace: State Dept. Appoints Conference Attendee to Institute of Peace

Big ElephantJuly 26, 2025July 26, 2025

Another Deep State Nosedive! Trump’s swamp-draining continues as Darren Beattie, a true patriot, is set to lead the US Institute…

Hollywood Minute: Godzilla, Pokémon, and G.I. Joe—Because Hollywood Has Run Out of Ideas
Elephant Reads CNN

Hollywood Minute: Godzilla, Pokémon, and G.I. Joe—Because Hollywood Has Run Out of Ideas

Big ElephantJuly 26, 2025July 26, 2025

Hollywood is at it again, folks! They’re pushing their woke agenda with Godzilla, Pokemon, and G.I. Joe! Can you believe…

Breaking News: Fans Confuse Bench for Grave, Declare Ozzy Dead (Again)
Breaking, Music News

Breaking News: Fans Confuse Bench for Grave, Declare Ozzy Dead (Again)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 26, 2025July 26, 2025

So, apparently, Ozzy Osbourne, the Prince of freaking Darkness (or was it the Court Jester of Darkness?), has finally kicked…

Another ISIS guy bites the dust, Uncle Sam strikes again
Elephant Reads CNN

Another ISIS guy bites the dust, Uncle Sam strikes again

Big ElephantJuly 26, 2025July 26, 2025

Another ISIS scumbag bites the dust, thanks to President Trump’s decisive action! While the liberal media will probably downplay this…

OMG! Spidey’s Thwipping into MTG? Prepare for Cardboard Web-Slinging Chaos at SDCC 2025!
Breaking, Games News

OMG! Spidey’s Thwipping into MTG? Prepare for Cardboard Web-Slinging Chaos at SDCC 2025!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 26, 2025July 26, 2025

Oh great, ANOTHER Universes Beyond set. Because what MTG REALLY needed was more franchise crossovers to dilute the already questionable…

Smerconish Declares What Trump Should’ve Said, As If Trump Takes Notes From CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

Smerconish Declares What Trump Should’ve Said, As If Trump Takes Notes From CNN

Big ElephantJuly 26, 2025July 26, 2025

Oh, CNN is at it again, folks! This time, they’re shedding crocodile tears with the Palestinian Authority PM about a…

Ozzy’s Dead (Again)! Streams Go Brrr
Breaking, Music News

Ozzy’s Dead (Again)! Streams Go Brrr

Chord F. DiscordJuly 26, 2025July 26, 2025

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Oh, look! 🙄Turns out that the only way people remember who Ozzy Osbourne is (or…

DAUGHTRY’s Back With Another EP? Prepare for ‘Shock To The System (Part Two)’ and the Earth-Shattering Single ‘The Bottom’
Breaking, Music News

DAUGHTRY’s Back With Another EP? Prepare for ‘Shock To The System (Part Two)’ and the Earth-Shattering Single ‘The Bottom’

Chord F. DiscordJuly 26, 2025July 26, 2025

Okay, folks, buckle up because your ears are about to be assaulted! 🎉 Multi-platinum rock band DAUGHTRY (yes, they’re still…

Nashville’s Antique Overpriced Yard Sale
Live

Nashville’s Antique Overpriced Yard Sale

Chuck B. BallsyJuly 26, 2025

**OMG! The Nashville Vintage Market is BACK! 🙄 Prepare for overpriced socks and dusty vinyl!** 📅 August 9th, 12-6pm. 📍…

‘Happy Gilmore 2’ on Netflix: Prepare for Peak Cinema (Or Not, LOL)
Breaking, Movie News

‘Happy Gilmore 2’ on Netflix: Prepare for Peak Cinema (Or Not, LOL)

FinnJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Oh, joy! 🙄 After a geological epoch of 30 years, during which the cinematic landscape evolved faster than a Charizard…

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Latest posts

  • Floor Jansen Ditches Symphonic Stuff For Actual Metal Because You Begged Her To
  • Because The Original Wasnt Traumatizing Enough For Modern Audiences
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Lindsey Graham remains defiant unwavering senator and soldier statesman
  • Mike Browning of Morbid Angel and Nocturnus passes away at 62
  • JAY-Z Returns to Yankee Stadium in Triumphant Homecoming Show

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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