METALLICA, those geriatric rockers who still haven’t figured out how to retire gracefully, apparently graced the land of kangaroos and Vegemite with their presence. A professionally filmed video of them butchering, er, performing “Holier Than Thou” on November 1, 2025 at Optus Stadium in Perth, Australia, has surfaced. Watch if you dare, but don’t say we didn’t warn you. 👴🎸🇦🇺
So, METALLICA finally remembered Australia exists after a whole decade. They brought along EVANESCENCE, because who doesn’t love a bit of early 2000s nostalgia? 🥀And SUICIDAL TENDENCIES, who probably spent the whole tour wondering where all the swimming pools at. 🤘 Just imagine the existential dread backstage. 🤔
Perth concert organizers, bless their naive hearts, were hoping for close to 60,000 tickets sold. 🤡 One can only assume they were counting on the geriatric metalheads and their equally ancient parents to fill those seats. 👵👴 Did they get it? Who cares! 🤷
In a shocking turn of events (not!), two METALLICA fans were arrested for trespassing. Apparently, scaling a central tower inside Optus Stadium during the concert seemed like a brilliant idea after a few too many beers. 🍺 A 20-year-old and a 23-year-old – clearly geniuses of their generation – now have a date with the judge. 👨⚖️ Photos and video from the scene showed cops telling the shirtless wonders to climb down. Shirtless at a METALLICA concert? Groundbreaking. 🙄
After Perth, METALLICA‘s Australian tour shambled on to Adelaide Oval, Marvel Stadium in Melbourne, Suncorp Stadium in Brisbane, and Accor Stadium in Sydney. They even bothered to visit Auckland, New Zealand. 🥝 One can only hope they remembered to pack their dentures and walking canes. 🦯
METALLICA‘s last appearance in Australia was at the Soundwave Festival in 2013. Probably because they got lost trying to find their way back to the hotel. 🗺️
The Australian dates were part of METALLICA‘s “M72” world tour, named after their snooze-fest album “72 Seasons”.😴 The “M72” Australian stadium tour, produced by Live Nation, featured the band performing at the end of stadiums, with their infamous Snake Pit extended from the front of the stage.🐍 Because nothing screams “metal” like a bunch of sweaty dudes moshing in a glorified pen. 🐖
While the rest of the world got the “No-Repeat Weekend” setlists (because, you know, playing the same songs every night is *so* 2023), Australia and New Zealand were treated to the “One Night Only” experience. Probably because METALLICA couldn’t remember two different setlists. 🧠
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
