Nintendo Unleashes Unbridled Chaos For Mario Day: Prepare For Mushroom Madness And Shell-Shocking Shenanigans
Oh, look who’s trying to break the internet again—Nintendo, with its annual “We love Mario so much we’ll literally give…
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MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, TOOL, LIMP BIZKIT And PIERCE THE VEIL To Headline 2026 AFTERSHOCK Festival Because Your Inner 2004 Just Called And Wants Its Playlist Back
Sacramento, CA – In a move that can only be described as “Y2K panic meets Hot Topic catalog,” Danny Wimmer…
Two Tiny Travelers Found in Luggage: Cleveland’s Latest Overbooked Adventure
Cleveland’s ‘Surprise Suitcases’ – Another Mystery the FBI Is Probably Too Busy With to Solve Well folks, it’s another fine…
Democrats in Texas Go Wild, Shatter Turnout Records Like It’s a Black Friday Sale
Wow, the Democrats are super excited about losing again! In Texas, a whopping 2.2 million voters showed up to watch…
KILLSWITCH ENGAGE Declares June 2026 U.S. Tour, MACHINE HEAD Obliged to Attend
Metalheads, REJOICE! KILLSWITCH ENGAGE is finally dragging their heavy asses out of hibernation for a massive U.S. headline tour this…
SEX PISTOLS Featuring FRANK CARTER Say “Oops, We Forgot You!” and Drop 2026 North American Tour Dates
After a brief hiatus caused by guitarist Steve Jones’s wrist deciding it had enough of humanity, the SEX PISTOLS are…
Nintendo’s Indie World Showcase: Tomorrow’s Big Event, Here’s How to Waste Your Time!
Ah, Nintendo—the company that somehow turns “we’re showing you games made by other people” into a full-blown cultural event. Tomorrow,…
Anthropic Abandons Safety Pledge Mid-Fight, Proving Even AI Ethicists Can’t Resist the Pentagon’s Siren Song
Deep State Puppets at Anthropic Bow to Pentagon Overlords, Ditch ‘Safety’ Charade In a shocking turn of events that proves…
Burning Ambition: Iron Maiden’s Documentary Is Coming To Theaters In May, Because Why Not?
Oh look, Iron Maiden is getting a documentary—because apparently their 17 albums, 100 million records, and 2,500 concerts weren’t enough…
TOMAHAWK To Rip Your Ears Off After 13-Year Nap; Summer Tour Will Be Powered By THE MELVINS’ Cosmic Fuzz
In what can only be described as a desperate attempt to relive their glory days, TOMAHAWK is hitting the road…