Wow, the Democrats are super excited about losing again! In Texas, a whopping 2.2 million voters showed up to watch the Democrats eat each other alive in their Senate primary, beating out Republicans who were just trying to enjoy their uncontested coronation. That’s right—the party of “democracy” is thriving in a race where they get to pick which flavor of defeat they want.
Meanwhile, Republicans are just over here calmly collecting 2.1 million votes like it’s a casual Tuesday. They’re saving their energy for the real fight in November, because unlike the Dems, they actually have something to play for—like, you know, winning.
This whole “Democrats outvoted Republicans in a primary” thing is rare, like spotting Bigfoot or a CNN reporter who doesn’t hate Trump. It’s only happened a few times, like in 2008 when Obama was on the ballot (spoiler: he lost Texas anyway) and in 2020 when Democrats had a circus primary while Trump was just over here running unopposed like the king he is.
Oh, and in North Carolina, Democrats also “outperformed” Republicans in a primary where nobody cared. Congrats, guys! You turned out to vote in a race that literally doesn’t matter. Maybe save that energy for, I don’t know, actually winning in November?
But hey, don’t get too excited, Democrats. Primary turnout is about as predictive as a Magic 8 Ball. Remember 2008? You guys crushed it in the primary, then got steamrolled by McCain in the general. So keep celebrating those participation trophies while Republicans focus on the real prize: keeping America great. Again.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
