So, Joe Perry, bless his heart 🙄, was yapping to Eddie Trunk (who even listens to that guy anymore? 👴) on SiriusXM about the HOLLYWOOD VAMPIRES. Apparently, they’re making a documentary. Because who wouldn’t want to watch a movie about a band of aging rockstars and a perpetually confused actor? 🤣 He said, and I quote (because BLABBERMOUTH.NET is doing all the hard work here 😴): “Well, we’re working on a documentary. It’s got some great stuff on it. I just saw a rough cut. And it’s pretty amazing.” Yeah, Joe, I’m sure it’s “amazing.” Just like that last AEROSMITH album… 💀
Perry continued his riveting monologue, whining about Johnny Depp‘s busy schedule. “[For Johnny], it’s not, like, ‘I can’t do it this day’; it’s, like, ‘I can’t do it this month.’ When he’s on a project, he’s gotta carve out months. And even then, he has to be available for things.” Oh, the struggles of being a mega-star! 😭 Poor Johnny, having to juggle movie roles and… uh… playing guitar (badly) in a vanity project band. 🎸🎻 I’m sure he’s just *dying* to get back to those screaming fans… or maybe just the sound of his own ego inflating.🎈
Joe added, bless his cotton socks: “I know that everybody would love to play some more with that band.” Sure, Joe. Everyone’s just *itching* for another HOLLYWOOD VAMPIRES album. 🙄 Maybe they can cover some more obscure songs that nobody cares about, or better yet, write some more “original” material that sounds suspiciously like rejected AEROSMITH B-sides. 🗑️ He finished with: “But I know that in the back of everyone’s mind, it’d be great to get back together again. So anyway, we’ll see how that goes.” Translation: “Please, Johnny, Alice, please come back! My solo career is going nowhere!” 🚶♂️
Perry, bless him, went on to praise the band. “That band is something else, man. Alice got to be the lead singer of a rock band and he didn’t have to be Alice Cooper…” Wait, what? 🤔 Isn’t that *exactly* what he’s doing? Alice Cooper pretending to be… slightly less Alice Cooper? Groundbreaking stuff, really. 🤯 He can just take on a different character… that is still him! Wow! The innovation! He then continues: “And everybody had a great time.” Well, except for the people who paid money to see them. 🤡
There’s a trailer for the documentary, because of course there is. 🎬 Prepare yourself for the most riveting behind-the-scenes look at a supergroup that nobody asked for! 😴
The documentary is called “Unleashed Spirits – The Rise Of The Hollywood Vampires.” I’m sure it will be an accurate depiction of their rise to… mediocrity? 🤔 More like “Unleashed Egos: The Fallacy of the Hollywood Vampires.” 🔥
The band is named after a drinking club Alice Cooper had back in the day with legends like John Lennon and Keith Moon. So basically, they’re just cashing in on dead people’s fame. 💀 How classy! 🥂
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
