Alright, so I waltzed into SPINE at Summer Game Fest 2025, expecting the usual hype-train wreckage. Tensor City? More like Tenser’s Floating Disk of Blandness, am I right? 🙄 Nekki wants us to believe we’re Redline, the graffiti artist turned revolutionary. Oh, the originality! I spent a whole 20 minutes playing this “stylish” gun-fu brawler, and I’m still trying to figure out what the fuss is about. It’s like John Wick, but if John Wick shopped at Hot Topic and had a crippling addiction to spray paint. Nekki thinks they’ve crafted something special? More like something predictably derivative. 🤷♂️
SPINE puts you in control of Redline, a red-haired protagonist because subtlety is for losers. She gets a “sentient” spinal implant. Sentient? As in, it can order pizza? This implant, cleverly named Spine, is her “combat companion” against the oppressive Tensor AI regime. Because every cyberpunk story needs an evil AI, right? 🤖 The premise is totally not The Matrix. I mean, Neo wore black, and Redline wears… red! It’s “distinctly her own,” they say, rooted in street art culture. Which basically means there are a lot of neon colors and edgy fonts. Hong Kong and other Asian metropolises? More like a grab bag of cultural clichés. 🥡
The combat system is their “biggest selling point.” Gun-fu, they call it. I call it “another day, another derivative action game.” It reminded me of Equilibrium. Because who doesn’t want to remember that cinematic masterpiece? 😂 Controlling Redline as she carves through enemies is “incredibly cinematic.” Translation: the camera shakes a lot. She springs around with “fluid motion,” delivering “devastating” kicks. Spoiler alert: it’s all canned animations. SPINE is “designed to empower players.” Translation: it’s easy. You’re not starring in an action movie; you’re watching one while occasionally pressing buttons. 😴
But wait, SPINE is “different.” How? Because it delivers a “unique cinematic experience.” The camera has a “letterboxed, film-like quality.” Because black bars make everything better, right? It keeps Redline’s “bombastic fighting style” front and center. Which is code for “we want you to see all the flashy effects we spent way too much time on.” 💥
“During the SPINE demo, controlling Redline as she cut her way through hordes of enemies felt incredibly cinematic.” Yes, because every time I press a button, I want to feel like I’m in a Michael Bay movie. Explosions! Shaky cam! Zero substance! 🥳
Raw hand-to-hand combat is “only one aspect.” Oh, thank God. The weapon system adds “tactical depth.” By which they mean you can pick up guns. Redline starts with a handgun and spray paint. Because nothing says “cyberpunk revolutionary” like blinding your enemies with Krylon. 🤡 Weapons are scattered throughout the level, but ammo runs out quickly. This scarcity creates “tension.” Or, you know, annoyance. It encourages “creative problem-solving.” Like figuring out how to uninstall the game. 🗑️
I was told the studio developed its own animation engine, Cascadeur. It pairs with Unreal Engine 5 to create “seamless, movie-quality takedown sequences.” The result is combat that flows “without awkward pauses.” Except for all the awkward pauses. Finisher moves blend “naturally” into the action. Until they don’t. One sequence showed Redline stealing a shotgun and delivering a “brutal finishing blow.” Pure cinematic gold? More like pure cinematic desperation. 🪙
“For action game enthusiasts who’ve been waiting for a true John Wick–style experience, SPINE appears ready to deliver that fantasy…” More like deliver a watered-down, generic imitation. Don’t get your hopes up, folks. This is just another game trying to cash in on a popular trend. 🙄
While the combat is “key,” it’s the “overall visual flair” that elevates the experience. Neon graffiti adds “personality.” Tensor City’s oppressive architecture provides the “perfect backdrop for rebellion.” The art direction reinforces the narrative themes. Redline’s artistic background influences the world design. In other words, it’s all style, no substance. 🎨
The boss encounter provided a glimpse of SPINE‘s challenge scaling. Facing an enemy with similar cybernetic enhancements created a “noticeable spike in difficulty.” I failed several times. Because the game is artificially difficult. Yet I love how it all works. No, I don’t. The developer structured the experience, helping the player feel “powerful.” While also making them want to throw their controller through the screen. 🎮
SPINE is scheduled for release in 2026. It shows “remarkable potential.” For being another generic action game. For action game enthusiasts who’ve been waiting for a true John Wick–style experience, SPINE appears ready to deliver that fantasy. With style, substance, and a healthy dose of cyberpunk rebellion. Or, you know, none of those things. I can’t wait to return to the city and once again test Redline’s skills in more gun-fu action. Said no one ever. 🙅♀️
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
