Alright, gamers, gather ’round and let’s talk about Firefly Studios and their “plans” for Stronghold Crusader: Definitive Edition. Yes, you heard it right, another remaster because apparently, we haven’t milked this cow dry enough. 🐄 They’ve unveiled a “roadmap” before the game even launches on July 15th. A roadmap! As if anyone actually believes these things anymore. It’s like they’re saying, “Hey, buy our game now, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll fix it later!” 🤣
For the hordes of people still hyped about Stronghold Crusader: Definitive Edition (are you sure you’re not confusing it with something else? 🤔), Firefly Studios has thrown some more fuel on the dumpster fire of anticipation with their “detailed plans.” They even made a video! A whole video! 🎬 It’s an “assurance” that they’ll support the title with two whole updates in 2025. Wow, so generous! It’s not like they should have included all that stuff in the initial release or anything. 🙄
Firefly Studios is bragging about “195,000 demo downloads and 230,000 wishlists” for Stronghold Crusader: Definitive Edition. Okay, guys, let’s be real, how many of those are just people who clicked a button and forgot about it? 🤷♂️ Their “full post-launch release plan” includes the usual fixes, improvements, and balancing that should have been there from the start. But hey, they’re also planning two “major updates” in 2025! 🎉 Two! That’s almost as many updates as Cyberpunk 2077 got in its first week. They also added two paid DLCs because, of course, they did. Gotta squeeze every last penny out of those nostalgic gamers. 💰
The “free” Autumn Update will feature an “economic campaign” and a new CPU-controlled commander. Five missions where you get to micromanage resources! Sounds thrilling! 😴 And three new maps! How exciting! The “free” Winter Update adds the ability to customize CPU opponents, castles, and campaigns. A feature that should have been in the original game 20 years ago. 🤦♂️ But hey, better late than never, right?
And now, the pièce de résistance: the paid DLCs! 💸 Two new CPU opponents each and a “skirmish trail.” Because who wouldn’t want to pay extra for more of the same? 🤪 That’s all Firefly Studios is sharing for now. Probably because they don’t want to reveal too much before they start charging you for it. Stronghold Crusader: Definitive Edition launches on July 15th. Get ready to open your wallets, folks! 🤑
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
