OMG! 😱 Newbie drummer Chris Dovas (ex-SEVEN SPIRES, who?) just dropped a drum-cam video of him butchering “D.N.R. (Do Not Resuscitate)” with TESTAMENT in Melbourne! 🇦🇺 You can watch him struggle through the song at the Northcote Theatre. I mean, who even goes to shows there? 🤷♂️
So, remember Dave Lombardo? The drumming GOD? Well, Eric Peterson (the REAL mastermind behind TESTAMENT, let’s be honest) told Radioactive MikeZ (who?) on 96.7 KCAL-FM (never heard of it) how Dovas weaseled his way into the band after Lombardo’s brief, glorious return. Apparently, after Gene Hoglan (another LEGEND) left, they were flooded with audition tapes. Peterson wanted Dovas, but Chuck Billy (you know, the singer who just kinda stands there) was all about Lombardo. Classic Chuck! 🙄
Peterson was like, “Fine, keep Dovas on the bench.” Then, surprise! Lombardo bailed AGAIN! 🤣 Peterson was all, “I told you so!” But the other guys were suggesting has-beens like John Tempesta and Paul Bostaph. Peterson, being the genius he is, gave Dovas a shot. And apparently, he was…fast? Like, too fast? 🤔 Peterson claims Dovas “brought some life back.” Yeah, maybe the life of a dying battery. 🔋
Peterson also mentioned that their new album (who cares?) is being mixed by Jens Bogren (who’s only worked with EVERY metal band ever). “Titans Of Creation” (more like “Titans Of Mediocrity”) was co-produced by Juan Urteaga, who also worked on “Dark Roots Of Earth” (zzzz…) and “Brotherhood Of The Snake” (even more zzzz…).😴
Chuck Billy (still just standing there) told some random guy named Bryce Van Patten from Metal Express Radio (lol, what?) that songwriting is different now because of e-mail. 📧 Apparently, Eric is still the “main writer” (duh!), but Dovas, the 24-year-old (now 26, wow!) Berklee College of Music graduate (big deal!), is helping. Chuck claims Dovas “pushed Eric” and “challenged” him. More like annoyed him with his “modern” ideas. 🤪 Chuck also said Dovas has an “old soul.” Yeah, the soul of a grandpa trying to play blast beats. 👴
Before becoming a “full-time member” (air quotes!), Dovas filled in for Lombardo for six whole dates on “The Bay Strikes Back Tour” (more like “The Bay Strikes Out Tour”). 🎳
In July 2023, Dovas told some dude on “The Meista – Brews & Tunes” (seriously, who names these things?) that he sent TESTAMENT some videos. Eric called him because Dave had some MISFITS dates. 🤡 So, he filled in for a week and a half. Then Lombardo bailed (again!), and Dovas got the “callback.” He’s now “here to stay” (until they find someone better). He also said he grew up listening to TESTAMENT. So did everyone, kid. Doesn’t make you special. 🙄
In May 2023, Chuck Billy (still…standing…) threw shade at Lombardo while introducing Dovas in Bogotá, Colombia. Before playing “D.N.R. (Do Not Resuscitate)” (the ONLY good song Lombardo played on), Chuck said, “Stand up and take a bow. Give it up for Mr. Chris Dovas. Lombardo who? Yeah. That’s Chris Dovas right there. Don’t forget it.” Yeah, we’ll try to forget it, Chuck. We’ll try real hard. 🤦♂️
Here’s the video of Dovas butchering “D.N.R.” Enjoy (if you can). 🤮
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
