Oh, the sweet sounds of desperation! A fundraising campaign has been launched for the one and only Mick Wall, the rock journo who apparently partied a little too hard and now needs your hard-earned cash. Seems like all those years of “research” (aka hanging out with rockstars and probably doing lines off groupie’s backs) have finally caught up with him. 😂
Wall, who fancies himself as some kind of rock ‘n’ roll guru, has apparently written for a bunch of magazines nobody reads anymore (except maybe in dentists’ waiting rooms). Sounds, Kerrang!? More like “Ker-whaaat?” He was also the editor-in-chief of Classic Rock for a whole five years! Bet that was a wild ride of free booze and questionable fashion choices. He also wrote some “critically acclaimed” books. Yeah, right. Like anyone actually reads those things. Unless they’re using them as doorstops. 📚
The JustGiving campaign – because apparently, GoFundMe is for amateurs – was started by some other Classic Rock has-been, Jon Hotten. Seems like Wall had a “second heart attack” brought on by “stress.” 🙄 Probably stress from trying to remember all the lies he’s told over the years. 🤥
“Mick and his wife Linda are being evicted!” cries Hotten on the JustGiving page. “They must vacate the premises by 1 August, 2025!” Oh noes! Poor Mick! Where will he go? Maybe he can crash on Axl Rose’s couch. Or maybe not. 🤣
Apparently, Wall is a “freelancer” who lives “month to month.” Translation: he’s broke. He has “no job security, no savings, no pension.” Well, duh! Who needs a pension when you’ve got rock ‘n’ roll, am I right? Except, you know, rock ‘n’ roll doesn’t pay the bills when you’re old and decrepit. He’s got £70 in his bank account! That’s, like, enough for a couple of beers. 🍻
And get this: Linda is a Senior Nursing Assistant who works with patients receiving end-of-life care. So basically, she’s cleaning up after people who are about to kick the bucket while her rockstar husband is busy having heart attacks. Talk about irony! 😂 She also looks after her elderly parents. Superwoman, much? 🦸♀️
After Mick‘s first heart attack, Linda got sick and couldn’t work. So they borrowed money and went bankrupt. Now they can’t get credit. Boo-hoo. Maybe they should have thought about that before blowing all their money on booze and drugs. 🤷♀️
So, according to Hotten, your money will be used to help Mick and Linda “with the rent, and also with the costs of moving house, settling their outstanding bills.” Oh, and “getting a little financial buffer in place.” Because, you know, they deserve it. After all, Mick is “determined to return to the work he loves.” Which is probably writing more BS about rockstars. 🎸
Back in 2020, Wall partnered with some podcast network to launch “Getcha Rocks Off.” Seriously? That’s the best they could come up with? Sounds like a desperate attempt to stay relevant. 🙄
Wall started his career in 1977, writing about punk and new wave. So basically, he’s been riding the coattails of other people’s talent for his entire career. 🤡
In the 80s, he was Kerrang! magazine’s “star writer.” In a decade that would pass in a haze of “hard drugs, hot women, and the people your mother warned you about.” Sounds about right. 😈
He went on to become a founding editor at Classic Rock and hosted Sky TV‘s “Monsters Of Rock.” More like “Monsters Of Mediocrity.” And he penned over twenty “best-selling” biographies. On everyone from AC/DC to U2. Because apparently, he’s an expert on everything. 🙄
Hanging out with rock stars, trying to steal their chicks, throwing up over their guitars. Sounds like a real winner. 🏆
A decade ago, Wall issued an open invitation to Axl Rose to address their feud. Because, you know, that’s what the world needs. More drama between washed-up rockstars and washed-up journalists. 🤦♀️
In his book “Getcha Rocks Off,” Wall recounted how Rose threatened to kill him. Well, maybe Axl was just trying to save the world from another terrible biography. 🤔
So, there you have it. The sad tale of Mick Wall, the rock journalist who needs your money. But hey, at least he’s got a good story to tell. Even if it’s mostly made up. 🤷♂️
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
