Fifty years ago, some nerd invented Dungeons & Dragons, which, like, totally paved the way for other games where you sit around a table and pretend to be elves. 🙄 Now, some new game called Daggerheart is trying to steal D&D‘s thunder. Can you believe the audacity?
Like, apparently, Daggerheart is trying to be different from D&D, but not *too* different, because then all the D&D players would get confused and start crying. It’s like when your mom tries to make “healthy” cookies, but you can still taste the kale. 🤢 And get this, it’s made by Critical Role, which is basically just a bunch of voice actors playing D&D and getting paid for it. Talk about a scam! 💸
So, everyone’s super hyped about Daggerheart, but I’m like, “Why?” Is it because it’s actually good, or because everyone’s just trying to be cool and edgy by not playing D&D? 🤔
The Dream Team (Or So They Say)
Okay, so apparently the people who made Daggerheart are, like, super important. 🙄 One guy made a game about kids on brooms, which sounds about as exciting as watching paint dry. 😴 And Matthew Mercer, the Dungeon Master from Critical Role, is also involved. So basically, it’s just a popularity contest at this point. 👑
And get this, they stole Chris Perkins and Jeremy Crawford from D&D! 😱 I mean, “acquired” them, but let’s be real, they probably just offered them more money. 💰 Now Todd Kenreck is making content for both games! Talk about a sellout! 🤣
So yeah, everyone’s all hyped because of the “pedigree” or whatever, but I’m still not convinced. 🤷♀️
The Rulebook: Bigger Is Better? (Not Really)
So, the Daggerheart rulebook is supposed to be, like, the best thing since sliced bread. 🙄 It’s got all the rules you need to play, plus some extra stuff, all in one book! Because who has time to read multiple books? 🙄 And it comes with cards! Because apparently, reading is too hard now. 🤦♀️
But honestly, it just sounds like a way to make you spend more money. 💸 I mean, do we really need another rulebook taking up space on our shelves? 📚
Shaking Things Up (Or Just Making Them More Confusing)
Okay, so Daggerheart is trying to be all “innovative” by using two d12s instead of a d20. 🙄 One’s for “Hope” and one’s for “Fear,” because apparently rolling dice wasn’t complicated enough already. 🙄 And if you roll high on the “Fear” die, the GM gets to mess with you! How fun! NOT. 😒
And the death rules? Don’t even get me started. If you run out of hit points, you get to choose how you die! You can sit out the rest of the battle like a wimp, risk it all on a dice roll, or go out in a “Blaze of Glory.” 🔥 Because dying isn’t dramatic enough already. 🙄
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
