Attention, thirsty Atlantans! Seven Midtown is here to separate you from your paycheck every Friday night with “upscale dining” and “vibrant nightlife”! 🥂🍸 Experience cocktails that cost more than your rent, gourmet dishes you’ll Instagram but not enjoy, and a dress code that says “no yoga pants unless you’re rich.” 🚫👖 The “luxurious atmosphere” features dim lighting to hide the existential dread. Free entry until 11PM if you RSVP (translation: we need your data). Parking costs $20. Outfits must be “elevated” – meaning you can’t wear the same thing twice. For bottle service that’ll make your bank account cry, call (404) 312-2234. Powered by vibes and credit card debt. 💸
Chuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is a self-proclaimed sports expert who peaked athletically in middle school dodgeball.
Born in Halfcourt, Indiana, Chuck spent his formative years shouting unsolicited advice at professional athletes on TV, firmly believing that his couchside coaching was the key to their success.
Chuck B. Ballsy: because in the game of sports and sarcasm, he’s always the MVP. 🏀🎤
