Average Slayer Fan Reacting to Criticism 🔫
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Month: June 2026
Trump Orders Advanced Federal Review Of Frontier AI Models
      President Donald Trump signed an executive order for AI companies to provide the federal government early access to their…
40-Year Old Man Now Spends Inordinate Amount Of Time Researching Electrolytes
   SAN ANTONIO, TX — Sources confirmed that local 40-year-old Marcus Harper officially entered the developmental stage of adulthood characterized…
Department Of Labor Cracks Down On People Getting Paid For Work
      WASHINGTON—Adopting a tougher stance against the increasingly widespread form of workplace corruption, U.S. Department of Labor officials announced plans…
VOIVOD’s New Concept Album Will Probably Change Your Life Forever and Definitely Won’t Be Delayed Again Until At Least 2030
In a shocking turn of events, VOIVOD’s drummer and founding member Michel “Away” Langevin has revealed that the band’s upcoming…
Because You Clearly Haven’t Heard Enough of Purple Rain Yet Prince Estate Digs Up Some More Old Stuff to Sell You Timeless
The Prince Estate has just announced the release of Timeless, a new posthumous Prince album, in partnership with Legacy Recordings.…
John Bolton Pleads Guilty, Sentenced To 5-Year Imprisonment At SeaWorld
   SAN DIEGO, CA — According to breaking news reports, John Bolton agreed to plead guilty to one count of…
Trump Diverts All Science Funding Into Locating The Smurfs
      WASHINGTON—Instituting a massive overhaul to the federal government’s scientific grant system in order to find the mythical cartoon characters,…
Intensive Bible Study Reveals Elijah And Elisha Are Two Different People
   WILBURTON, OK — An intensive Bible study reportedly ended with the dramatic revelation that Elijah and Elisha are two…
Man Needing Break From Reality Turns On CNN
   FRANKLIN, KY — Following a long day at work in the middle of what had been a stressful week…