Our Secrets Are The Same is supposedly a “remarkable” joint memoir by Simple Minds founding members Jim Kerr and Charlie Burchill. Remarkable how? Remarkable that they managed to string together enough coherent thoughts to fill a book? 🤔 I mean, let’s be real, the bar is pretty low these days. Prepare for tales of ego, questionable fashion choices, and music that some people (wrongly) consider iconic.
The book, allegedly, follows the “fantastical, chaotic, and global adventures” of two dudes who met in Toryglen. Toryglen! 🤣 Sounds like the perfect breeding ground for rock ‘n’ roll excess. They were eight years old, which probably explains a lot about their decision-making skills later in life. And then they founded one of the “most influential bands of the 20th century.” Influential in what way? Influencing people to buy synthesizers and wear their hair in questionable styles? 🤷♂️
From their “pioneering art-rock early days” (aka, when they were trying to figure out what sound they were ripping off) to the sublime New Gold Dream album (sublime if you have the right…substances), their journey is a wild ride. And of course, the quintessential 80s hit Don’t You Forget About Me, globalised by the Brat Pack’s Breakfast Club (because nothing says “rebellion” like a John Hughes movie). 60 million albums sold globally? Who are these people buying this stuff? 👽 And No.1 hits the world over? Okay, maybe in Lichtenstein. Simple Minds makes up a “vital part of the world’s cultural tapestry.” Or maybe just a slightly faded, slightly embarrassing corner of it. 🧵
Enduring Friendship
In a world increasingly divided (mostly by opinions on Simple Minds), and amid a loneliness epidemic (probably caused by listening to too much Simple Minds), Jim and Charlie’s story is one of “enduring friendship.” Or maybe just a mutually beneficial business arrangement that’s lasted longer than anyone expected. And the “love between two men who found family in each other amid the anarchy of rockstardom.” Anarchy? Please. It was probably more like passive-aggressive disagreements over who got the bigger dressing room. 🙄
Their story traces the arc of “working-class aspiration” (from Toryglen!), “social change” (did they actually change anything?), “chemical awakenings” (ah, now we’re talking!), “cultural infiltration” (of shopping malls and dentist offices), “unwavering drive” (to make more money), and “thrilling creative fusion” (of synth sounds and vaguely profound lyrics). Along the way, there are brushes with David Bowie (who probably regretted it), Bob Dylan (who probably didn’t remember it), U2 (who probably tried to steal their ideas), and Nelson Mandela (who was probably just being polite). Breakfast with Alice Cooper? 🍳 Dinner with Lou Reed? 🍝 And a few scrapes with the boys in blue? 👮♂️ Sounds like a standard Tuesday for a mildly successful rock band.
Our Secrets Are The Same explores a bond which has encompassed “stratospheric highs” (selling out arenas), “humbling lows” (playing county fairs), “marriages and divorces” (because rock stars are known for their stable relationships), “fatherhood” (probably absentee), “fickle fame” (mostly fickle), “tricky inter-band dynamics” (read: screaming matches), the “occasional explosive bust up” (over who gets to use the last can of hairspray), and a “ruthless streak to rival the Sicilian Mafia.” 🤣 Oh, please. More like a passive-aggressive feud over publishing rights. 🎶
This isn’t just story of two rock stars (it isn’t?), but of two sons, brothers, partners and parents who have “never forgotten where they come from.” (Except when they’re staying in five-star hotels). Two men who have remained “deeply bonded to their roots and each other” (
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
