DAYTON, OH—Jeering that the other man’s chiseled physique would offer little aid in their upcoming confrontation, local intellectual Kenneth Dufresne reportedly challenged his wife’s muscular sidepiece to a battle of wits Friday. “Your hypertrophied pectorals may have momentarily swayed Veronica from the path of marital fidelity, but let’s see how you fare when not your body but your mind is put to the test!” Dufresne said to the completely shredded personal trainer, adding that his romantic rival would have little hope of retaining his wife’s interest when forced to compete in the arena of logic puzzles, mental math, and Star Wars trivia. “Your sculpted Adonis belt won’t save you from the cerebral shellacking you’re about to endure. A quick preview of what you’re up against: 3.14159265358979323846. Yes, it’s time for me to cast off the cuckold’s horns and restore brains to their rightful place above brawn. Perhaps next time you’ll think harder before intruding upon the marriage of a certified Mensan.” At press time, witnesses reported hearing a triumphant Dufresne yelling to his rival through a window that abandoning their contest in order to fuck his wife counted as a forfeit.
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Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
