Gary Kemp Talks About “This Destination” (Yeah, We Know You’re Googling It 🙄)
So, Gary Kemp, bless his cotton socks, has a new album out. 🙄 Apparently, it’s called *This Destination*. Because, you…
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Democrats Hold Candlelight Vigil In Front Of Illegal Immigrant Mugshots
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congressional leaders held a solemn ceremony in the nation’s capital today, as Democratic senators arrived at the…
Trump Issues New Striped Robes For Federal Judges
U.S. — Members of the judiciary were revealed to be sporting a new look, as President Donald Trump issued new…
Trump Threatens To Defund Beauty Schools That Don’t Comply With MAGA Standards
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—After dispatching “Dear Colleague” letters to top cosmetology programs across the country, President Donald Trump threatened Monday to…
Oh, no! 😭 Ex-Sony dude throws a tantrum because his name wasn’t big enough on the *Until Dawn* movie credits. 🙄🎬
OMG, can you even BELIEVE this?! 😱 Some ex-PlayStation “narrative director” (whatever THAT is) is throwing a tantrum because the…
Oh, great, so the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is scraping the bottom of the barrel again, inducting Bad Company and Soundgarden 🙄🎸🥁👴
🚨 EMERGENCY! 🚨 The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, bless its cotton socks, has announced its 2025 inductees. Hold…
‘My Work Doesn’t Define Me,’ Says Man Who Will Spend 90,000 Hours Of Lifetime At Office
Read MoreThe OnionSACRAMENTO, CA—Believing that he was establishing a firm line between who he was as a person and what…
Hammett and Trujillo Cover Rush🎸: Somewhere, Neil Peart Just Did a Perfect Drum Fill in the Afterlife👴
OMG! 🙄 You guys are NOT gonna BELIEVE what those two dudes from METALLICA, Robert “I Used to be in…
Joe Biden Arrested For Harboring 11 Million Illegal Aliens
REHOBOTH BEACH, DE — Former President Joe Biden was placed under arrest today for harboring just over eleven million illegal…
Behold! New Babylon Bee Merch Has Arrived
Glad tidings! Your favorite fake news outlet just loaded up its store with BRAND NEW merch, and it’s all guaranteed…