Wow, genius move, Donny, because we clearly need that
Oh, great, just what we need, another fake news article trying to besmirch the good name of our glorious President…
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Chuck Norris Dead No Wait Just His Ego Was Killed By All The People Who Actually Thought He Was Invincible
Oh no, the internet is lying about Chuck Norris, what a shock đą. I mean, who wouldn’t want to make…
BREAKING: Red Lobster Plans to Ruin Your Diet and Relationships with Highly Anticipated Return of the Infamous Endless Shrimp Promotion That Will Obviously End in Carb Coma and Regret
In a shocking turn of events, Red Lobster is rumored to be bringing back the infamous Endless Shrimp promotion that…
Pam Bondi Brought In For Exit Lobotomy
      The post Pam Bondi Brought In For Exit Lobotomy appeared first on The Onion.    The post Pam Bondi Brought…
Pharisee Asks If It’s Normal For Temple Curtain To Suddenly Rip in Half
   JERUSALEM â A Pharisee by the name of Ahaziah asked his fellow scribes if it was normal for the…
Pete Hegseth Replaces Top General With Horse That Drinks BeerÂ
      WASHINGTONâSaying he had finally found a military commander whose character was worthy of the U.S. Army, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth…
Supreme Court Denounces New ABS System That Says Whether They Decided A Case Wrong
   WASHINGTON, D.C. â Similar to the reaction of umpires to Major League Baseball’s adoption of its new “Automated Ball-Strike…
Iran Imposes New âCash, Grass, Or Assâ Fee For Strait Of Hormuz
      The post Iran Imposes New âCash, Grass, Or Assâ Fee For Strait Of Hormuz appeared first on The Onion.…
Pelicans-Kings Game Ends After Neither Team Able To Recover Tipoff
      SACRAMENTO, CAâFollowing an extended series of failed attempts, Friday nightâs matchup between the New Orleans Pelicans and the Sacramento…
Woman Born In August Worried Husband Isnât Thinking About Her Birthday Yet
   PROVO, UT â Local woman Denise Stanford expressed concern that her husband, Mike, had yet to begin even thinking…