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Oops! Navy SEALs’ ‘Unsuccessful’ Mission: Turns Out, Killing Unarmed Folks Ain’t a Success Story
Elephant Reads CNN

Oops! Navy SEALs’ ‘Unsuccessful’ Mission: Turns Out, Killing Unarmed Folks Ain’t a Success Story

Big ElephantSeptember 5, 2025September 5, 2025

Oh, the liberal media is at it again, folks! Now they’re digging up dirt from five years ago, trying to…

John Candy: “I Like Me” – Oh Great, Another Documentary We Didn’t Ask For
Breaking, Movie News

John Candy: “I Like Me” – Oh Great, Another Documentary We Didn’t Ask For

FinnSeptember 4, 2025September 4, 2025

From the visionary director Colin Hanks (yes, Tom’s kid) and the alleged lifelong John Candy fan Ryan Reynolds (who probably…

Dave Lombardo’s New Coffee: Guaranteed to Make You Drum FASTER (Probably Not)
Breaking, Movie News

Dave Lombardo’s New Coffee: Guaranteed to Make You Drum FASTER (Probably Not)

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 4, 2025September 4, 2025

Okay, so apparently, Dave Lombardo, the dude who hits drums REALLY fast, is now selling coffee. Yes, THAT Dave Lombardo.…

Gamescom 2025: Resident Evil Requiem—Oh Look, Another Zombie Game
Breaking, Games News

Gamescom 2025: Resident Evil Requiem—Oh Look, Another Zombie Game

Pixel P. SnarkbyteSeptember 4, 2025September 4, 2025

OMG! 😱 Calling Resident Evil Requiem “one of the most anticipated games” is a HUGE stretch. 🙄 After EIGHT years…

Tom Holland Google Searches “How To Please Annoying Spider-Man Fans”
Breaking, Movie News

Tom Holland Google Searches “How To Please Annoying Spider-Man Fans”

FinnSeptember 4, 2025September 4, 2025

Ah, yes, Tom Holland, our friendly neighborhood Spoiler-Man 🕷️, bless his heart ❤️. He actually thinks he knows what the…

Melania’s Back: This Time It’s Robots, Not Just Her Husband
Elephant Reads CNN

Melania’s Back: This Time It’s Robots, Not Just Her Husband

Big ElephantSeptember 4, 2025September 4, 2025

Oh, great, Melania deigns to grace us with her presence. After MONTHS of hiding, our First Lady emerges to warn…

“Not Guilty, Huh? DC Suspect Claims He Was Just Watering the Embassy Plants A Little *Too* Aggressively”
Elephant Reads CNN

“Not Guilty, Huh? DC Suspect Claims He Was Just Watering the Embassy Plants A Little *Too* Aggressively”

Big ElephantSeptember 4, 2025September 4, 2025

Another day, another story of leftist-inspired violence. Elias Rodriguez, some unhinged lunatic, pleaded not guilty to killing two Israeli embassy…

IOI Was Totally Not Inspired By James Bond, You Guys
Breaking, Games News

IOI Was Totally Not Inspired By James Bond, You Guys

Pixel P. SnarkbyteSeptember 4, 2025September 4, 2025

Okay, so IO Interactive (IOI), the studio that brought us the bald assassin we all pretend to like in Hitman,…

Ivory Tower Insecurity: Universities Triggered by Trump Double Down on Lobbying, Desperately Clinging to Relevance
Elephant Reads CNN

Ivory Tower Insecurity: Universities Triggered by Trump Double Down on Lobbying, Desperately Clinging to Relevance

Big ElephantSeptember 4, 2025September 4, 2025

Folks, can you believe the swamp these universities are swimming in? President Trump is draining it, one leftist indoctrination center…

DC throws a tantrum, sues Daddy Trump over his toys (National Guard)
Elephant Reads CNN

DC throws a tantrum, sues Daddy Trump over his toys (National Guard)

Big ElephantSeptember 4, 2025September 4, 2025

Here we go again, folks! The radical leftist Attorney General of D.C., Brian Schwalb, is suing our glorious President Trump…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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