IOI Was Totally Not Inspired By James Bond, You Guys

Okay, so IO Interactive (IOI), the studio that brought us the bald assassin we all pretend to like in Hitman, decided to make a James Bond game back in 2020. 🎉 Everyone, including this writer (who totally isn’t biased), thought it was the most groundbreaking idea ever. I mean, who else could possibly capture the suave, sophisticated, and utterly predictable world of 007? 🙄

Five years later, we get 007: First Light, a title so generic it could be a toothpaste flavor. But hey, that “initial gut feeling” is still there, probably because they haven’t shown us enough to crush our hopes completely. IOI’s Bond is apparently more like the book version (scar and all!), which means he’s probably going to be a brooding, unlikeable jerk, just like the fans wanted. The game starts with Bond as a newbie, because apparently, seeing him mess up and be incompetent is peak entertainment. 🤡

The writer got a sneak peek at gamescom 2025, because of course they did. Bond is “rash and reckless,” which is code for “annoying and makes stupid decisions.” But don’t worry, there’s still some Hitman stealth involved, because why innovate when you can rehash? The mission was set in a “luxurious mountain resort in Slovakia,” because that’s totally where all the cool spy stuff happens. Bond has to “incapacitate or distract guards,” because originality is dead. He also uses disguises, because that’s never been done before. 😴

The big takeaway? IOI is “crafting something truly special.” Yeah, special alright. 🤪

Then there’s an interview with Rasmus Poulsen, the franchise art director, because who cares about gameplay when you can talk about “key ways” the game is different from Hitman? Poulsen says it’s “more narratively driven,” which means more cutscenes you’ll skip. He also says you “experience the world both as him but also with him,” which is just pretentious gibberish. 🤷‍♀️

Someone asked if Hitman III‘s final mission was a hint of what’s to come. Poulsen says no, but admits Bond has “inspired” them for 20 years. Translation: they’re ripping off Bond but don’t want to admit it. 😂

The trailer has a book-accurate scar, because apparently that’s the most important thing. Poulsen says they “dove into the books,” which means they skimmed the Wikipedia page. He also claims Fleming didn’t describe Bond as “traditionally handsome,” which is a lie, but whatever. 🤥 They’re focusing on his “dry British wit,” which probably means he’ll make terrible puns. 🤦

Bond is in pursuit of a “rogue agent,” because that’s never been done before. The challenge? Convincing his mentor that he “actually belongs there.” Oh, the drama! 🙄

As for locations, Poulsen can’t give specifics, but promises “a variety of missions.” Riveting. They’ll take you to “dense and crowded locations to empty and desolate ones,” because that’s totally not generic at all. 😶

Locations are “more linear and narrow,” but still allow “a certain amount of width.” What does that even mean? He also says there are areas where the game “opens up more,” so you can “observe and decide on the next step.” But don’t worry, it’s still “less about planning and more about opportunity,” because Bond is an impulsive idiot. 🤡

Will there be disguises? Poulsen “can’t really talk about that yet.” Suspicious. 🤔

They’re working with Aston Martin and OMEGA, because Bond is all about product placement. Poulsen says they’re “engaged in bringing this project to life,” which means they’re getting paid a lot of money. 💰

Is this the start of a trilogy? Poulsen says First Light is “certainly the birth of the guy,” which is either profound or completely meaningless. The title is about “the call for adventure,” because that’s not cliché at all. 🙄

OO7: First Light is coming to every platform imaginable in 2026. Get ready to be disappointed. 💀