In a move that surprises absolutely no one, the perpetually offended professional victims at the Anti-Defamation League (ADL) have turned their beady eyes towards a new target: your Steam comments. Yes, you read that right. Those witty remarks, hilarious memes, and (let’s be honest) occasional rage-fueled rants you share with your fellow gamers are now officially on the ADL’s hit list.
Apparently, after an «exhaustive» (read: taxpayer-funded) study of 458 million user profiles, 152 million avatars, and a mind-boggling 610 million comments, the ADL’s crack team of Karen commandos uncovered a shocking 1.83 million unique examples of “bad” content. Gasp! Clutches pearls!
What constitutes «bad» content, you ask? Well, that’s where things get a bit hazy. It seems «bad» is anything that might hurt the feelings of a delicate ADL snowflake. So, if you’ve ever dared to crack a joke about someone’s mother, question the historical accuracy of a certain World War II documentary, or express an opinion that deviates even slightly from the ADL’s approved narrative, then congratulations! You’re officially a «hater.» 🎉
But fear not, dear gamers, for the ADL has graciously offered Valve a series of “solutions” to this «problem.» And trust us, they’re doozies!
- Option 1: Shut down the comment section entirely. Because, you know, who needs free speech when you can have blissful silence? 🤫
- Option 2: Allow only pre-approved «reactions,» carefully curated by the ADL to ensure maximum conformity and zero offense. Think rows upon rows of smiling emojis and clapping hands. Thrilling, isn’t it? 🙄
- Option 3: Force every gamer to undergo a rigorous online verification process, complete with document submission and possibly even a DNA test. After all, only those deemed «worthy» by the ADL should be allowed to express an opinion. Heil Hydra! 🙋♂️
- Option 4: Plaster a giant banner across Steam with the ominous message: «ADL and the FBI are watching you!» Because nothing says «fun and games» like the constant threat of government surveillance. Big Brother is watching you! 👀
- Option 5 (the ADL’s favorite): Just shut down Steam altogether. Problem solved! No more gaming, no more comments, no more «hate.» Everyone wins! Except, you know, the millions of gamers who enjoy using the platform. But hey, who cares about them, right? 🤷♂️
Of course, the ADL’s crusade against «hate speech» is nothing new. They’ve been busy trying to silence anyone who dares to challenge their agenda for years. But this latest attack on gamers is particularly egregious. It’s an attempt to control and censor a vibrant online community that has long been a haven for free expression.
So, what can you do to fight back? Simple. Keep gaming, keep commenting, and keep telling the ADL to go stick it where the sun don’t shine. The future of free speech depends on it. ✊
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
