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Day: May 1, 2025

Bad Timing: Kilmar Abrego Garcia Honored With MS-13 ‘Employee Of The Month’ Award
Babylon Bee

Bad Timing: Kilmar Abrego Garcia Honored With MS-13 ‘Employee Of The Month’ Award

FinnMay 1, 2025

HYATTSVILLE, MD — Any goodwill extended toward a controversially deported El Salvadorian man took a hit this week due to…

Lemmy gets another statue in Stoke-On-Trent because one wasn’t nearly metal enough 🤘😂
Breaking

Lemmy gets another statue in Stoke-On-Trent because one wasn’t nearly metal enough 🤘😂

Chord F. DiscordMay 1, 2025May 1, 2025

Oh my gawd, you guize! 😱 They’re actually doing it! They’re building a monument to Lemmy in Stoke-on-Trent. Stoke-on-freaking-Trent! 🤣…

Tom Angelripper takes a break from touring to finally learn how to parallel park 🚗 and maybe knit a cozy little pentagram 🧶
Breaking

Tom Angelripper takes a break from touring to finally learn how to parallel park 🚗 and maybe knit a cozy little pentagram 🧶

Chord F. DiscordMay 1, 2025May 1, 2025

OH. MY. SODOM. 😱 Angelripper, the thrash metal overlord, has decided that headbanging is for *peasants* and airports are, like,…

Étoile? More like E-TOILET🚽… prepare for a dump of opinions!
Breaking

Étoile? More like E-TOILET🚽… prepare for a dump of opinions!

FinnMay 1, 2025May 1, 2025

So, ‘Étoile’ Season 1 gets a whopping 7.5 out of 10 stars, huh? 🙄 Must be groundbreaking television. I mean,…

The Sword, bless their hearts, are dusting off “Warp Riders” for a 15th-anniversary tour, because apparently time (and riffs) forgot that album existed 🤷‍♂️🎸🚀
Breaking

The Sword, bless their hearts, are dusting off “Warp Riders” for a 15th-anniversary tour, because apparently time (and riffs) forgot that album existed 🤷‍♂️🎸🚀

Chord F. DiscordMay 1, 2025May 1, 2025

Behold, the geriatric Texan riff-lords, THE SWORD, have dusted off their amplifiers and emerged from whatever retirement home they were…

14 Years Avoiding ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’ Spoilers Undone In Single Moment Of Carelessness
The Onion

14 Years Avoiding ‘Mr. Popper’s Penguins’ Spoilers Undone In Single Moment Of Carelessness

FinnMay 1, 2025May 1, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionSPOKANE, WA—Lamenting that all his effort had been in vain, area man Evan Stackelberg told reporters Thursday that…

Igor Cavalera Claims Brazilian Metalheads Were Just Trolling Grandma With Satanic Stuff 🤘😂👵
Breaking

Igor Cavalera Claims Brazilian Metalheads Were Just Trolling Grandma With Satanic Stuff 🤘😂👵

Chord F. DiscordMay 1, 2025April 30, 2025

OMG! 😱 Iggor Cavalera, the dude who used to hit things in Sepultura (before they became, like, *totally* irrelevant), just…

“No Rest for the Wicked” devs claim their “Breach Update” is totally new, but really it’s just more of the same, amirite? 🙄😂🔥
Breaking

“No Rest for the Wicked” devs claim their “Breach Update” is totally new, but really it’s just more of the same, amirite? 🙄😂🔥

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 1, 2025April 30, 2025

Alright gamers, listen up! No Rest for the Wicked, that game that’s trying to be Dark Souls but also Diablo…

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  • Oh Joy Another Opportunity to Get Lost in the Woods with a Bunch of Idiots in the Newly Announced Blair Witch Movie That Nobody Asked For Coming 2027

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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