Christian Nationalist Asks St. Peter To Direct Him To ‘Whites-Only’ Section Of Heaven
PEARLY GATES — According to Heavenly sources, Saint Peter had an unexpected run-in this week with a self-proclaimed Christian nationalist,…
Day: May 22, 2025
Oh Great, Another One: Carey Mulligan Ruining Narnia, Probably
OMG! Greta Gerwig, fresh off her *Barbie* success (because apparently, that’s the only thing she’s ever done now), is apparently…
Fallout 76: They Added FISHING Now?! (GONE FISSION, More Like GONE BRAIN CELLS)
Oh, Bethesda, you sly dogs! 🐕🦺 Just when we thought Fallout 76 was destined to become a radioactive wasteland of…
Xbox Game Pass: Now You Too Can Experience the Joy of Playing Games Your Grandma Probably Already Beat
Wow, Xbox Game Pass just dropped an update so earth-shattering, so revolutionary, it’ll probably cure world hunger and solve climate…
MAMMOTH Plays “The End” for Mamas (Because Dads Don’t Matter, Apparently)
Folks, buckle up because MAMMOTH (formerly known as the infinitely more metal MAMMOTH WVH, because initials are *so* last year)…
Elon Musk Announces Plans To Step Back From Fatherhood
Read MoreThe OnionAUSTIN, TX—Proclaiming that he had “done enough,” billionaire Elon Musk confirmed Thursday that he would be taking a…
New Streaming Service For Church Of Christ Members Filters Out All Musical Instruments
MERIDIAN, MI — A new streaming service designed for the more conservative and legalistic members of the Churches of Christ…
Fortnite FINALLY Crawls Back to Apple After Epic Tantrum Lasted Half a Decade
Hold onto your V-Bucks, folks, because the most dramatic saga since that time Timmy rage-quit your squad is BACK! Yes,…
SHINEDOWN Milking It: Two More Singles Before We Even THINK About Album #8 (OMG!)
BREAKING: SHINEDOWN’s Brent Smith, During Yet Another Appearance on “On With Mario Lopez” (Because Where Else Would He Be?), Claims…
Metallica Announces 2026 European Tour: Still Playing Those Same Songs, Huh
OMG! 🙄 Metallica, those lovable dinosaurs 🦕, are STILL at it! They’ve announced their “M72” tour is crawling back to…