Oh, CNN is reporting on President Trump’s handling of the Iran situation? You know, the same CNN that couldn’t find its way out of a paper bag if Trump wasn’t in the headlines? Give me a break!
So, apparently, our fearless leader took a whole hour to admire some new flagpoles at the White House. Can you believe the audacity? While the world is on the brink of WWIII, Trump’s worried about aesthetics. Or maybe he knows something CNN doesn’t, like how those flagpoles are secretly missile defense systems against Iranian nukes. Ever think of that, Libs?
And get this, he’s “deferring” a strike on Iran. Probably because he’s waiting for the Democrats to show their true colors and side with the Mullahs! Good thing Trump is thinking ten steps ahead, unlike those latte-sipping liberals.
He’s consulting with his advisors, like any good president would. But CNN makes it sound like he’s indecisive. Newsflash: Trump’s just thorough. He’s probably got a secret plan to turn Iran into a giant golf course.
And Tulsi Gabbard? Sidelined? Maybe she finally realized the Democratic party is a lost cause. Trump probably saw her potential and is grooming her for a cabinet position.
The G7 leaders are trying to “decipher” Trump’s plan? Good luck with that! While they’re sipping their fancy teas, Trump’s playing 4D chess. He left the summit early because he’s got real work to do, not coddle those socialist Europeans.
He’s “convinced of the necessity of taking out the Fordow facility”? Of course, he is! It’s probably a secret Iranian plot to control the world’s supply of enriched uranium.
And the kicker? He brought in the Juventus soccer team to talk about the B-2 bomber. Because why not? Trump knows how to keep things interesting. And probably to troll the leftist media, who are now losing their minds.
Trump’s a “peacemaker”? Absolutely! He’ll bomb Iran into peace if he has to. Sometimes you need to drop a few bombs to spread freedom, right?
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
