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Day: January 5, 2026

How to Get Kidnapped on TikTok: A Guide to Social Media Safety and Human Trafficking (Spoiler Alert: Don’t Post Your Location)
Events

How to Get Kidnapped on TikTok: A Guide to Social Media Safety and Human Trafficking (Spoiler Alert: Don’t Post Your Location)

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

🚨BREAKING: Adults Finally Realize the Internet Exists—Schedule Emergency Meeting to Warn Kids About Social Media Dangers (Despite Still Using Facebook)…

Vibe Temple – Where They Worship Your Aura and Charge by the Hug
Events

Vibe Temple – Where They Worship Your Aura and Charge by the Hug

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

Ancient Relic Discovery: Lake Harriet Spiritual Community Hosts ‘Vibe Temple – A Sound, Breath & Movement Experience’ on Jan 4,…

Suzy Sheer: Silicone Valley’s Patch+ Fails to Stick to Reality
Events

Suzy Sheer: Silicone Valley’s Patch+ Fails to Stick to Reality

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

🚨 ATTENTION, HUMAN BEINGS WITH ID! 🚨 We will NOT accept your expired library card, your pet’s vaccination record, or…

FLIRT FRIDAYS: When Your Dating App Becomes a Reality Show and You’re the Star (Oops)
Events

FLIRT FRIDAYS: When Your Dating App Becomes a Reality Show and You’re the Star (Oops)

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Atlanta’s Most Exclusive ‘Club’ Just Opened… It’s a Restaurant! 🍸 Every Friday, Seven Midtown morphs from “fancy dinner…

DC Regional Relief Society Conference: Where the Real Miracle Is Getting Through Without a Snack
Events

DC Regional Relief Society Conference: Where the Real Miracle Is Getting Through Without a Snack

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

🚨 ATTENTION SISTERS: Prepare for Maximum Inspiration Overload! 🚨 Join us at the Bethesda North Marriott Conference Center (because apparently…

ADHD in Women and Girls: Because Apparently We Can’t Just Be ‘Dramatic’ Anymore
Events

ADHD in Women and Girls: Because Apparently We Can’t Just Be ‘Dramatic’ Anymore

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

Attend this crucial event on ADHD in women and girls — because nothing says ’empathy’ like a PowerPoint on hormones.…

NYC Contracting Summit: Small Businesses Finally Get to Fight Over Crumbs Like Hungry Pigeons
Events

NYC Contracting Summit: Small Businesses Finally Get to Fight Over Crumbs Like Hungry Pigeons

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

Mayor Eric Adams just announced the NYC Contracting Summit: A New Era for Small Business, and somehow, this feels like…

NASA Finally Sends Astronauts to Space—Surprise!
Events

NASA Finally Sends Astronauts to Space—Surprise!

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

🚀 Virtual astronauts, get ready to float through cyberspace on Feb. 15, 2026, and earn a digital stamp for your…

Events

Wine Crawl Detroit: Pre-Sale Wait List for Those Who Missed the Party

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

Wine Crawl is swooping into Detroit like a tipsy superhero, promising to save Michiganders from the horror of… regular water!…

2026 Rare & Vintage Beer Tasting: Because Nothing Says ‘Investment’ Like Drinking Old Beer
Events

2026 Rare & Vintage Beer Tasting: Because Nothing Says ‘Investment’ Like Drinking Old Beer

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: 50 Breweries Unite to Solve Humanity’s Greatest Crisis — Too Many Normal Beers! 🍺 In a bold move…

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Finn December 31, 2025
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