Political Profile: Gregory Bovino

JT

      

Gregory Bovino is “commander at large” of the U.S. Border Patrol’s mass deportation efforts. The Onion takes a look at Bovino’s background.

Political Beliefs: Fiscally conservative, socially National Socialist

Leadership Style: Spittle-forward

Motto: “Shoot first, dodge questions later.”

Nostrils: Tactical grade

Greatest Fear: HD video

Hairstyle: Never a good sign

High School Superlative: Least

Hidden Talent: Can burp the entirety of “Horst-Wessel-Lied”

Who Trump Thinks He Is: Scott Baio

The post Political Profile: Gregory Bovino appeared first on The Onion.

   Gregory Bovino is “commander at large” of the U.S. Border Patrol’s mass deportation efforts. The Onion takes a look at Bovino’s background. Political Beliefs: Fiscally conservative, socially National Socialist Leadership Style: Spittle-forward Motto: “Shoot first, dodge questions later.” Nostrils: Tactical grade Greatest Fear: HD video Hairstyle: Never a good sign High School Superlative: Least Hidden
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Finn

Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.

Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.

Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.

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