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Month: January 2026

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck Reunite to Prove They Still Know How to Pretend To Be Tough Guys
Breaking, Movie News

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck Reunite to Prove They Still Know How to Pretend To Be Tough Guys

FinnJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Ben Affleck and Matt Damon Have Finally Reunited to Solve the World’s Most Pressing Mystery — Where Did…

Greenland 2: Migration – The Final Trailer (Because Apparently the First One Was Just a Warm-Up for the Ice Age)
Breaking, Movie News

Greenland 2: Migration – The Final Trailer (Because Apparently the First One Was Just a Warm-Up for the Ice Age)

FinnJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

Get ready to witness the cinematic masterpiece of the decade: GREENLAND 2: MIGRATION, where survival isn’t just a theme—it’s an…

The Making of Stranger Things 5 Doc Trailer Shows All The Writing Stress
Breaking, Movie News

The Making of Stranger Things 5 Doc Trailer Shows All The Writing Stress

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

Netflix just released the first trailer for the Stranger Things Season 5 BTS documentary, releasing on January 12th. Get ready…

Report: The Witcher 3 Might Get A New DLC In May 2026—Because CD Projekt Really Missed Us Paying For More Than 10 Years
Breaking

Report: The Witcher 3 Might Get A New DLC In May 2026—Because CD Projekt Really Missed Us Paying For More Than 10 Years

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: The Witcher 3 is Rising from the Grave Like a Reanimated Kikimora in May 2026 🧟‍♂️⚔️📅 Yes, you…

Panicked xAI Technicians Frantically Throw Levers To Find The One Controlling Grok’s Pedophilia
The Onion

Panicked xAI Technicians Frantically Throw Levers To Find The One Controlling Grok’s Pedophilia

FinnJanuary 5, 2026

       PALO ALTO, CA—Shouting over the sound of the alarm as it blared through the headquarters of Elon Musk’s artificial…

Babylon Bee

Tim Walz Retiring To Spend More Time In Prison‬

FinnJanuary 5, 2026

       Read More FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer,…

Events

Como criar um assistente de IA para planear e medir formação em 60 minutos e ainda sobrar tempo para reclamar da burocracia

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

🚨 ATENÇÃO: IA vai roubar seu emprego… ou te ajudar a fazer mais pause café! 🤖☕ No dia 13/01, das…

How to Get Kidnapped on TikTok: A Guide to Social Media Safety and Human Trafficking (Spoiler Alert: Don’t Post Your Location)
Events

How to Get Kidnapped on TikTok: A Guide to Social Media Safety and Human Trafficking (Spoiler Alert: Don’t Post Your Location)

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

🚨BREAKING: Adults Finally Realize the Internet Exists—Schedule Emergency Meeting to Warn Kids About Social Media Dangers (Despite Still Using Facebook)…

Vibe Temple – Where They Worship Your Aura and Charge by the Hug
Events

Vibe Temple – Where They Worship Your Aura and Charge by the Hug

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

Ancient Relic Discovery: Lake Harriet Spiritual Community Hosts ‘Vibe Temple – A Sound, Breath & Movement Experience’ on Jan 4,…

Suzy Sheer: Silicone Valley’s Patch+ Fails to Stick to Reality
Events

Suzy Sheer: Silicone Valley’s Patch+ Fails to Stick to Reality

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

🚨 ATTENTION, HUMAN BEINGS WITH ID! 🚨 We will NOT accept your expired library card, your pet’s vaccination record, or…

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  • Meningitis: Because You Clearly Haven’t Suffered Enough Already Here Are The Signs Symptoms And Prevention
  • Get Ready for the Most Epic Picnic Fest in History aka The Great Nosh NYC Picnic Festival 2026 Where Youll Definitely Eat Too Much Food
  • ISIS Claims Responsibility For Reflecting Pool Algae

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
January 2026
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