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Month: January 2026

Local Church Opens Doors To Any Single Mothers In Need Of Judgment
The Onion

Local Church Opens Doors To Any Single Mothers In Need Of Judgment

FinnJanuary 5, 2026

       DANBURY, CT—Emphasizing the local parish’s dedication to serving its most vulnerable community members, St. Mary’s Catholic Church announced Tuesday…

How to Make Your Business Pop Up in AI Search Before It Judges Your SEO
Events

How to Make Your Business Pop Up in AI Search Before It Judges Your SEO

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Desperate Small Businesses to Learn How to Not Be Invisible to Robots 🤖💸 Join our webinar on Jan…

Babylon Bee

Liberals Quickly Change ‘No Kings’ Signs To Read ‘Yes Kings’ In Support Of Maduro

FinnJanuary 5, 2026

    U.S. — Liberal protesters have taken to the streets to protest the U.S. government’s arrest of Nicolás Maduro by…

5 Things to Know for Jan. 5: Venezuela’s Drama, Airspace Meltdowns, Congress Still Can’t Agree on Coffee, California’s Floods and a Swiss Bar That Burned Down Like Your Hopes and Dreams
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

5 Things to Know for Jan. 5: Venezuela’s Drama, Airspace Meltdowns, Congress Still Can’t Agree on Coffee, California’s Floods and a Swiss Bar That Burned Down Like Your Hopes and Dreams

Big ElephantJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

Breaking News: Gas Prices to Plummet in 2026 – Thanks to Trump’s Mighty Hand The once-dreaded gas pump is finally…

This is Bigger Than Oil, It’s About the New US National Security Strategy Says Meyer Resources CEO
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

This is Bigger Than Oil, It’s About the New US National Security Strategy Says Meyer Resources CEO

Big ElephantJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

Breaking: U.S. Oil Giants Eye Venezuela Amid ‘Globalist Elite’ Plot to Steal Our Energy Independence – Again! In a stunning…

Code Vein II Preview – A Stylish Soulslike That Leans Fully Into Its Anime Excess
Breaking, Games News

Code Vein II Preview – A Stylish Soulslike That Leans Fully Into Its Anime Excess

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

Move over, Dark Souls, there’s a new vampire in town, and it’s here to steal your heart—literally. 🧛‍♂️💔 Code Vein…

HAKEN Fires Guitarist and Bassist for Not Being Able to Play While Juggling
Breaking, Music News

HAKEN Fires Guitarist and Bassist for Not Being Able to Play While Juggling

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: HAKEN LOSES TWO MEMBERS, GAINS TWO MORE EXCUSES TO REWRITE THEIR SETLIST 🚨 😱🎸 In a move that…

EXTREME Finally Decides to Make Another Album (Yes, They’re Still a Thing)
Breaking, Music News

EXTREME Finally Decides to Make Another Album (Yes, They’re Still a Thing)

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: EXTREME ANNOUNCES SEVENTH ALBUM AFTER ONLY 3 YEARS OF SILENCE (A RECORD FOR THEM) 🚨 In a shocking…

Pentagon Slashes Mark Kelly’s Pension Because He Dared to Speak Truth to Power (Or Just Made a Video)
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Pentagon Slashes Mark Kelly’s Pension Because He Dared to Speak Truth to Power (Or Just Made a Video)

Big ElephantJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

Trump’s Pentagon Declares War on Retired Navy Captain for Daring to Tell Troops to Obey the Law In a stunning…

Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’
The Onion

Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’

FinnJanuary 5, 2026

       The post Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’ appeared first…

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
January 2026
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