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Day: March 9, 2026

Alexander Bros Convicted of Sex Trafficking, Leaving Real Estate World Shook, Not Stirred
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Alexander Bros Convicted of Sex Trafficking, Leaving Real Estate World Shook, Not Stirred

Big ElephantMarch 9, 2026March 9, 2026

Look at this, folks! Three wealthy, powerful brothers—supposedly the kings of luxury real estate—turned out to be nothing but a…

CNN Broadcasting from Tehran: Iran Promises ‘Surprises’ – Because Who Doesn’t Love a Good Plot Twist?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

CNN Broadcasting from Tehran: Iran Promises ‘Surprises’ – Because Who Doesn’t Love a Good Plot Twist?

Big ElephantMarch 9, 2026March 9, 2026

Breaking News: CNN’s Latest Propaganda Tour in Tehran—Because Nothing Says ‘Objective Journalism’ Like Iranian Government Approval! In a stunning display…

US Stocks Just Won’t Get the Memo About Panic Mode
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

US Stocks Just Won’t Get the Memo About Panic Mode

Big ElephantMarch 9, 2026March 9, 2026

World’s Oil Markets Hold Their Breath as Strait of Hormuz Remains Shut Well folks, grab your gas masks and strap…

Events

Seniors Ditch Class to Rock Denim & Tunes on Skip Day 5.0

Chuck B. BallsyMarch 9, 2026

**Senior Skip Day 5.0 – Denim & Music Edition** 🎉 Forget school, it’s time to vibe! Senior Skip Day 5.0…

United Airlines To Kick Off Passengers Who Refuse To Use Headphones
The Onion

United Airlines To Kick Off Passengers Who Refuse To Use Headphones

FinnMarch 9, 2026

       United Airlines announced it will begin removing passengers from flights who refuse to wear headphones when listening to content…

Babylon Bee

8 Powerful Ways To Elevate Women On International Women’s Day

FinnMarch 9, 2026

    If you missed celebrating International Women’s Day yesterday, it’s not too late to solemnly observe it in a variety…

Breaking: 7 Hilarious Political Quandaries About the Epic War with Iran – Because Why Not?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Breaking: 7 Hilarious Political Quandaries About the Epic War with Iran – Because Why Not?

Big ElephantMarch 9, 2026March 27, 2026

Here’s the unvarnished truth about Trump’s new war with Iran – buckle up, patriots! Well folks, it’s been a wild…

EVE Frontier Unveils Cycle 5 Of Founder Access: Shroud of Fear — Because Nothing Says “Welcome” Like a Good Scare!
Breaking, Games News

EVE Frontier Unveils Cycle 5 Of Founder Access: Shroud of Fear — Because Nothing Says “Welcome” Like a Good Scare!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 9, 2026March 9, 2026

EVE Frontier is back with its fifth Founder Access cycle, Shroud of Fear, and if you thought the last update…

This Upcoming Trilogy Is the Only Hope for ‘Star Wars’— Or Else We’re All Doomed to a Galaxy of Mediocrity!
Breaking, Movie News

This Upcoming Trilogy Is the Only Hope for ‘Star Wars’— Or Else We’re All Doomed to a Galaxy of Mediocrity!

FinnMarch 9, 2026March 9, 2026

Oh look, another “new hope” for Star Wars! Because clearly, the franchise just needed more TV shows about bounty hunters…

American McGee Is Continuing the Alice Story Without EA’s IP, Because Who Needs Legal Rights Anyway?
EA Is Crying In The Corner While American McGee Does The Impossible
Breaking, Games News

American McGee Is Continuing the Alice Story Without EA’s IP, Because Who Needs Legal Rights Anyway?

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 9, 2026March 9, 2026

When life gives you intellectual property rights, make a loophole! American McGee, the mastermind behind the cult-classic *Alice* games, has…

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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