SUN PRAIRIE, WI—Struggling feebly against the temptation to abandon the ethical standards he swore to uphold upon his election to the position, local student council treasurer Grayson Burner’s deepest convictions were reportedly tested Thursday after he obtained access to $52 in singles. “Let’s not do anything too hasty—this kind of money doesn’t come along every day,” the Sun Prairie High School sophomore and aspiring civil servant is said to have muttered to himself in a fit of sudden greed, feeling the heft of the stack of bills in its manila envelope as he conjured up mad power fantasies about the lavish indulgences the $52 intended for the quarterly pizza budget could be spent on instead. “ I can’t just let this moment pass me by. Imagine the doors this could open for me. This money could change my life. I always told myself I’d be able to resist the pull, but…she’s a foul seductress, wealth.” At press time, reports confirmed Grayson was screaming incoherently as rubbed the dollar bills against his face.
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SUN PRAIRIE, WI—Struggling feebly against the temptation to abandon the ethical standards he swore to uphold upon his election to the position, local student council treasurer Grayson Burner’s deepest convictions were reportedly tested Thursday after he obtained access to $52 in singles. “Let’s not do anything too hasty—this kind of money doesn’t come along every
The post Student Council Treasurer’s Deepest Convictions Tested By Access To $52 In Singles appeared first on The Onion. Read More
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
