LOS ANGELES—Bunching together with nervous energy and dolled up in matching gear, a group of riot police crouched excitedly behind an armored vehicle like 3-year-olds about to begin a ballet recital, witnesses confirmed Thursday. Several reports indicated that the squad of body-armor-clad men giggled and poked at each other in anticipation of their signal to engage, leading their commander to shove them back into position like a frustrated dance mom. According to sources, the heavily armed riot cops smiled and waved to bystanders despite their superior officer urging them to stay focused. As they pointed to the people they were going to beat first, many got so worked up that they reportedly tripped over each other and dropped their batons when they were finally told it was “showtime.” At press time, the commander was seen begrudgingly leading one of the riot cops to a nearby bathroom after he had nervously pissed himself.
The post Riot Police Excitedly Crouch Behind Armored Vehicle Like Group Of 3-Year-Olds About To Perform Ballet appeared first on The Onion.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
