OMG! 😱 Iggor Cavalera, the dude who used to hit things in Sepultura (before they became, like, *totally* irrelevant), just dropped some SERIOUS truth bombs on a podcast no one’s ever heard of! Apparently, Brazilian black metal wasn’t about Satan at all! It was, like, a SUPER deep, intellectual rebellion against… the Catholic Church! 🤯 Who knew that screaming about demons was actually a form of political discourse? I’m, like, totally enlightened now. Namaste 🙏.
So, Iggor, bless his little noise-making heart, was on this “White Centipede Noise” podcast (sponsored by WCN Studios in… Potsdam? Is that even a real place? 🤔 Sounds like a villain’s lair from a James Bond movie) and they asked him why Sepultura and other bands were all about the devil back in the day. And Iggor was all, “Nah, brah. It wasn’t about worshipping Satan. It was about sticking it to the man… I mean, the Church!” ⛪🔥
He went on this whole rant about how the Church is EVIL and controls everything in South America and “rapes the land.” (Dramatic much, Iggor? 🙄) Apparently, screaming about Lucifer is just Brazil’s version of the Sex Pistols yelling at the Queen. Makes total sense, right? I mean, what’s the difference between “God Save the Queen” and “Hail Satan!” anyway? It’s all just rebellious yelling, duh! 🗣️
And get this: Iggor claims he’s never been a Satan worshipper! 😇 He just “studies the dark side” and reads a lot of books. (Probably those edgy Twilight fanfics, amirite? 🧛♂️) He even had the audacity to say that Satan is a creation of the Church! 🤯 Talk about galaxy brain stuff! So, worshipping Satan would be like… accepting the Church’s marketing campaign? I’m starting to think Iggor’s been hitting the bong a little too hard. 💨
But wait, there’s more! 📢 Iggor also explained why early Sepultura sounded like a garbage disposal eating a rusty lawnmower. 🗑️ He said they didn’t like how metal in Europe and America was “too polished.” (Yeah, because sounding like you recorded your album in a tin can is *so* much more sophisticated. 🙄) And they were singing about dragons and castles, which, according to Iggor, wasn’t “their reality.” (Because, you know, Brazil is totally devoid of any fantasy or mythical creatures. 🤦♀️) So, they decided to write songs about… uh… political rebellion against the Church! Through the medium of unintelligible screaming and blast beats! Genius! 🧠
Oh, and in case you didn’t know, Iggor’s been REALLY busy since leaving Sepultura. He’s doing, like, a million different things! He’s got Cavalera Conspiracy with his brother Max (you know, the guy who *actually* made Sepultura good), he’s in Soulwax (who?), and he’s got this thing called Petbrick, which apparently involves “melting noise and crushing electronics over grinding drumming.” 🔊 Sounds like my washing machine when it’s trying to spin-dry a brick. 🧺
He’s also a DJ! 🎧 With his wife! They’re called Mixhell! (Get it? Mix… Hell? Because, you know, he used to scream about Satan… allegedly. 🤔) They’ve played at Glastonbury and Reading! (Probably in the Porta-Potty tent. 🚽)
And now he’s doing solo shows with “analog modular gear, drum pads, and visuals!” 🎆 (Translation: he’s pressing buttons on a laptop and projecting seizure-inducing patterns on a screen.) He’s playing at “experimental festivals” and “intimate clubs!” (Translation: he’s playing for 12 people in a basement in East London.)
So, yeah. Iggor Cavalera is still out there, making noise, dropping truth bombs (or something), and generally being… Iggor. 🤷♀️ And we wouldn’t have it any other way. Because, let’s be honest, who else is going to tell us that screaming about demons is actually a sophisticated form of political commentary? 🤔
I’m off to start my own black metal band now. We’re going to be called “The Anarcho-Syndicalist Satanists” and our first album is going to be a concept album about the evils of… wait for it… traffic congestion! 🚗😈 Stay tuned! 🤘
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
