Humanoid Robot Beats Human Half-Marathon Record
A humanoid robot in Beijing finished a half marathon in 50 minutes and 26 seconds, about almost seven minutes…
Category: The Onion
Regretful Conservative Wakes Up To Find He Drunkenly Got Nazi Tattoo Removed
COEUR D’ALENE, ID—Wincing from a pounding headache and hazy memories of debauchery, regretful conservative Nate Hanlon reportedly woke up…
Fractures Emerge Between GOP’s Pro-Pedophilia, Extremely Pro-Pedophilia Wings
The post Fractures Emerge Between GOP’s Pro-Pedophilia, Extremely Pro-Pedophilia Wings appeared first on The Onion. The post Fractures Emerge…
Apple Backs Up Tim Cook’s Memories To Port Over Into Next CEO
The post Apple Backs Up Tim Cook’s Memories To Port Over Into Next CEO appeared first on The Onion.…
Rancor Baby
The post Rancor Baby appeared first on The Onion. The post Rancor Baby appeared first on The Onion. Read More…
‘Michael’ Criticized For Depicting Neverland Ranch With Cooler Rides Than It Actually Had
WASHINGTON—Denouncing what they called a “sickening” misrepresentation of the facts, critics of a new Michael Jackson biopic argued Monday…
Soybean Wishes It Could Just Be A Soybean And Have That Be Enough
CARMI, IL—Expressing anxiety over the immense pressure it faced to become various food products, a local legume confided to…
Straggler Cicadas To Appear
Cicadas referred to as “stragglers” because they emerge off-cycle may appear this year despite their broods not being expected…
At Long Last, InfoWars Is Ours
Bryce P. Tetraeder Let me tell you a story. When I was a child, I suffered from night terrors.…
Man Finally Good Enough At New Hobby To Understand How Bad He Is At It
ST. LOUIS—Voicing frustration as he discussed his lack of even the most rudimentary skills, local man Henry Right told…