Small Town’s Make-Out Point Purchased By Multinational Make-Out Conglomerate
FREDERICKTOWN, MO—In a move many residents of this tight-knit community say jeopardizes the beloved scenic hideaway, a multinational make-out conglomerate announced…
Category: The Onion
Rep. Max Miller: ‘I Refuse To Resign Over What My Wife Made Me Do’
The post Rep. Max Miller: ‘I Refuse To Resign Over What My Wife Made Me Do’ appeared first on…
U.S. Bans Foreign-Made Humanoid Robots
The FCC targeted China by banning the import of foreign-made humanoid robots, citing cybersecurity and national security concerns. What…
Powerball By The Numbers
Many U.S.-based players have reportedly stopped purchasing Powerball tickets in spite of a growing jackpot, believing the odds of…
Power-Mad Marvel Claims ‘Night At The Roxbury’ Part Of MCU
BURBANK, CA—In a bold and shameless effort to expand their growing reach in the film industry, power-mad Marvel Studios…
Schools Deploy Pepper Spray Drones To Combat Shootings
Several schools across the U.S. are deploying pepper spray-dispensing drones in an effort to combat school shootings, an approach…
RFK Jr. Cooking Show Features Easy Weeknight Meals Using Ingredients Already In Own Body
WASHINGTON—Saying the convenience of the quick but nutritious entrees could not be beat, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert…
Chicagoans Over 25 Urged To Shelter In Place Until Lollapalooza Over
The post Chicagoans Over 25 Urged To Shelter In Place Until Lollapalooza Over appeared first on The Onion. Read…
Report: Artists Not Boycotting Grammys Down To Meghan Trainor, Susan Boyle, Sugar Ray
SANTA MONICA, CA—Stating that they were looking forward to another spectacular and soul-stirring awards ceremony in February, the Recording…
Rockies Fan Opens Private Tab To Check Score
The post Rockies Fan Opens Private Tab To Check Score appeared first on The Onion. Read More FinnFinn McFrame,…