The slasher genre is known for its twists, turns, and blood-curdling screams. But the upcoming reboot of «I Know What You Did Last Summer» promises something entirely different — and, dare we say, painfully unforgettable. According to our insider sources, the new movie is less a slasher flick and more a satirical manifesto. Here’s the kicker: the entire plot is just a rolling list of names of people who publicly supported Donald Trump in the summer of 2024. Yes, you read that right. No jump scares, no masked killers — just an hour and a half of names in stark white letters on a black background. 🎭
But wait, there’s more! For those hoping for a nostalgic throwback, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Freddie Prinze Jr. will grace the screen once again. Unfortunately, they won’t be slicing or being sliced; instead, they’ll be nodding solemnly at the endless list of names. Think of it as a grim political Hall of Fame with a side of early-2000s melancholy. 🕶️ Sarah Michelle Gellar, whose character mercifully met her demise in the original film, won’t be in front of the camera. Instead, our sources reveal that she’ll spend the entire runtime crying off-screen. Some say she’s mourning her lost screen time, while others claim it’s her reaction to the sheer absurdity of the reboot. Either way, it’s a feature, not a bug. 😭
The reboot’s director, whose name we won’t bother to mention because we’ve already forgotten it, has described the film as «a scathing commentary on cancel culture, nostalgia, and the death of cinema itself». While some might call this a bold artistic vision, others are already questioning if the studio accidentally greenlit a student art project with a $20 million budget. 🎨🤑 Early feedback from test audiences suggests that this might be the most divisive horror remake ever. Trump supporters have hailed it as a «masterpiece,» while critics have already sharpened their knives for the inevitable Rotten Tomatoes bloodbath. 🍅🔪
The film’s July 18, 2025, release date is strategically timed to compete with summer blockbusters and keep its title painfully relevant. Whether audiences will flock to theaters to sit through what sounds like a bizarre PowerPoint presentation remains to be seen. But one thing is certain: the buzz surrounding this reboot is louder than Hewitt’s scream queen days. And if all else fails, at least Sarah Michelle Gellar’s sobbing will be Oscar-worthy. 👏🎭
We also learned about possible titles for the reboot of the film «I Know What You Did Last Summer»:
- «I Know What You Did Last Summer, and I’m Posting It on Twitter»
Because who needs a knife when you have cancel culture? - «I Know What You Did Last Summer: The Karen Chronicles»
Slashing entitlement one coupon at a time. - «I Know What You Did Last Summer… and the FBI Knows Too»
Privacy? Never heard of her. - «I Know What You Did Last Summer: Influencers Gone Wild»
No one survives the cringe-worthy TikToks. - «I Know What You Did Last Summer, But Let’s Blame It on Millennials»
Slashing avocado toast and feelings since 1997.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
