Trump To Expand Alcatraz By Putting Up Fence Around San Francisco
U.S. — A new era of dealing with depraved lawbreakers dawned today, as President Donald Trump vowed to reopen and…
Day: May 5, 2025
🔌 Neil Young vs. Tesla: Rock Star Accuses Elon Musk of Concert Power Struggles
Rock legend Neil Young, whose age is catching up to the oldest electric vehicle, has declared war on Elon Musk…
Cooper Flagg’s Agent Negotiates 10% Increase In Textbook Buyback Value At Duke Bookstore
Read MoreThe OnionDURHAM, NC—Threatening to have his client sit out the rest of the academic semester unless he was paid…
Jackbox Party Pack 11 Dares to Release “Suspectives,” a Game We’re Already Side-Eyeing 👀
OH. MY. GOD. 🙄 Jackbox, those corporate overlords, have dared to grace us with *another* party pack! As if we…
Faster Pussycat Announces New Single ‘Motorbike,’ because apparently the 80s called and demanded their hairspray and questionable lyrics back 🙄 🏍️🎶
Oh. My. Gawd. 🙄 Faster Pussycat, those geriatric glam rockers who probably need walkers more than motorcycles, are releasing a…
Valve confirms Half-Life 3 is playable, meaning it’s only 30 years away from release! 🤡🎉
OMG! 😱 Tyler McVicker, the guy who’s been “reporting” on Half-Life 3 since, like, the Stone Age, says it’s PLAYTESTABLE!…