Oh. My. Gawd. 🙄 Faster Pussycat, those geriatric glam rockers who probably need walkers more than motorcycles, are releasing a NEW SINGLE called “Motorbike” on May 16th. Pre-save it now, peasants, as if you didn’t already have it on repeat in your nursing home playlist. 👴👵
In true Faster Pussycat fashion (which is to say, desperately clinging to the past like a barnacle on a rusty ship), “Motorbike” apparently captures the “gritty, fast-lane energy” that made them “icons” of the late-’80s. Icons? 🤔 More like mildly amusing footnotes in rock history. Expect a roaring joy ride of sleaze, swagger, and enough hairspray to deplete the ozone layer. 💨
“Sex, rock and roll, and motorcycles! 🏍️ The lyrics are tongue-in-cheek,” says Taime Downe, the band’s founder and frontman, who probably needs a tongue scraper more than anything else. “I started writing ‘Motorbike’ about a decade ago, then the pandemic happened and… I’m slow…” he trails off with a laugh. “We actually recorded this a couple of times before, I finally felt like we got it right.” Translation: he finally remembered all the lyrics. After 10 years. 🐌
And hold onto your dentures, kids, because a limited-edition seven-inch of “Motorbike” printed on “Pussycat Purple” vinyl is also available for pre-order. Pussycat Purple? Is that what they’re calling prune juice these days? 🍇 For collectors, an even MORE limited number of seven-inches signed by Taime Downe are available exclusively at their website. Run, don’t walk… or maybe just hobble on over there before they run out of ink for the signatures. ✍️
As if the “Motorbike” single wasn’t enough to make your ears bleed, the B-side is a cover of the INXS classic “Don’t Change.” Because what the world REALLY needs is a washed-up glam band butchering a perfectly good song. 🎶 Taime claims to be a huge INXS fan and even hung out with Michael Hutchence, Iggy Pop, and Debbie Harry after an awards show. Back when he was… relevant? 🤷♂️
“I’ve always wanted to do an INXS cover — they have so many great songs, but this is one of my favorites. We’ve been playing it on and off for years, and it’s obviously in the set when we play Australia.” Oh, so they play Australia? That explains the cover. Gotta pander to the locals, I guess. 🐨 “I’m psyched to finally get it recorded and out there with our own spin. It’s INXS meets the SEX PISTOLS, as only Faster Pussycat can.” More like INXS meets a dumpster fire, but whatever floats your boat, Taime. 🔥
As Taime appropriately sings on “Motorbike,” “Hold on tight and enjoy the ride!” Mostly because you’re probably going to fall off laughing. 😂
Faster Pussycat rose from the depths of the mid-1980s Hollywood rock scene and took the Sunset Strip by storm. Or, you know, caused a minor drizzle. Their sound wasn’t glam and wasn’t punk, but blistered somewhere in between. More like festered. 🤢 Their self-titled debut featured the instant classics “Babylon,” “Bathroom Wall,” “Cathouse,” and “Don’t Change That Song,” and its follow-up “Wake Me When It’s Over” climbed even higher with the radio hit “House Of Pain,” “Poison Ivy,” and “Where There’s A Whip There’s A Way.” I bet you can sing along to every single one of them…NOT. 🎤
Despite sales in excess of two million records worldwide, Faster Pussycat defied the mainstream mold and always followed their frontman’s underground sensibilities. Underground as in buried? 🪦 The accolades are nice, but Taime considers his greatest accomplishment longevity. “The only number that really matters to me is the number 40,” he says. “Four decades later, Faster Pussycat are still rocking, and it feels as fresh as it did in 1986.” Fresh as in…moldy cheese? 🧀
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
