Progressive Rock Bands to Invade Cruise Ship in 2026: Prepare for the Nerdiest Vacation Ever
Ahoy, Prog-Rock Losers! 🛳️ Get ready to drain your trust funds and max out your credit cards because Cruise To…
Day: May 29, 2025
Hayley Atwell’s Finest Performances: A Totally Unbiased and Accurate Ranking
Ah, Hayley Atwell, the actress who’s been in stuff. Yes, after, like, five years (or was it five decades? 🤷♂️),…
Critics Hated This 2021 Action Flick, But Normies Adored It & A Sequel is Coming to Ruin the Party Later This Year
Mortal Kombat, or as I like to call it, “Flop Kombat,” caused such a disparity between audiences and critics that…
‘HERSHEY’ Movie Adds More Celebs as Pennsylvania Transforms into Chocolate Wonderland
**OMG! 😱 The chocolate overlords at Hershey, AKA the Illuminati of cocoa, just snagged even MORE “star power” for their…
Paradise Lost Dumps Drummer, World Weeps (Not Really)
PARADISE LOST, those lovable British pioneers of moping around in graveyards, have apparently fired their drummer of the past two…
Netflix’s “Knives Out 3” Solved by Yours Truly (I’m Basically Benoit Blanc, Bow Down)
**OMG! 😱 Knives Out just dropped a teaser for Wake Up Dead Man, and like, I totally cracked the code.…
Mississippi Town With No Movie Theater To Screen Movie About Sinners, What Could Go Wrong
So, apparently, it’s “official”! 🎉 As if anyone actually cares, but whatever. The elite filmmakers are gracing Clarksdale, Mississippi with…
Timeline Of Trump’s Battle With Harvard
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Donald Trump has frozen more than $3 billion in grants and contracts as his feud with Harvard…
GeForce NOW on Steam Deck: Cloud Gaming or Cloudy Judgment
Okay, so like, remember when cloud gaming was the laughing stock of the entire gaming community? 😂 Yeah, well, NVIDIA’s…
EA Sports College Football 26: Prepare to be Underwhelmed (Again)
EA Sports, bless their cotton socks, has decided to grace us with EA Sports College Football 26. I know, I…