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Day: May 30, 2025

OMG, Is Hunter Schafer About To Bless (Ruin?) The New Zelda Movie?
Breaking

OMG, Is Hunter Schafer About To Bless (Ruin?) The New Zelda Movie?

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 30, 2025May 30, 2025

OMG! 🙄 Apparently, Hollywood is officially out of ideas, folks! They’re “considering” Hunter Schafer for Princess Zelda in the upcoming…

Ex-PlayStation Dude Says Xbox Game Pass is Spooky and Will Steal Your Soul
Breaking

Ex-PlayStation Dude Says Xbox Game Pass is Spooky and Will Steal Your Soul

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 30, 2025May 30, 2025

Oh no! 😱 The sky is falling! 🐔 Former PlayStation bigwig Shuhei Yoshida, the oracle of gaming doom, has emerged…

The Wire Actor’s Kid Does Extreme Skydiving, Blames Tornado
Breaking

The Wire Actor’s Kid Does Extreme Skydiving, Blames Tornado

FinnMay 30, 2025May 30, 2025

OMG! 🚨 Poot from “The Wire” (yeah, that’s all he’s ever done) claims a tornado demolished his house in Georgia!…

WEDNESDAY 13: ‘I’ve Learned How To Adapt (By Selling Out)’
Breaking

WEDNESDAY 13: ‘I’ve Learned How To Adapt (By Selling Out)’

Chord F. DiscordMay 30, 2025May 30, 2025

Oh, look, it’s Wednesday 13, the guy who peaked in the early 2000s and is STILL talking about MURDERDOLLS. In…

Study Finds Weed Use Linked To Early Heart Disease
The Onion

Study Finds Weed Use Linked To Early Heart Disease

FinnMay 30, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionA study found that healthy people who regularly smoked marijuana or consumed THC-laced edibles showed signs of early…

Federal Judge Overturns Law Of Gravity
Babylon Bee

Federal Judge Overturns Law Of Gravity

FinnMay 30, 2025

U.S. — The country was thrown into chaos this morning as a federal judge from the D.C. District Court overturned…

Kelly Hansen and Foreigner’s Farewell Tour: Will He Cry on Stage? Place Your Bets
Breaking

Kelly Hansen and Foreigner’s Farewell Tour: Will He Cry on Stage? Place Your Bets

Chord F. DiscordMay 30, 2025May 30, 2025

In a shocking turn of events that nobody saw coming (except everyone), FOREIGNER‘s Kelly Hansen, a man who has been…

Vivian Campbell’s Backstage Shenanigans with Def Leppard Post-Bone Marrow: Prepare for Maximum Rock ‘n’ Roll (and Maybe a Few Unexpected Bathroom Breaks)
Breaking

Vivian Campbell’s Backstage Shenanigans with Def Leppard Post-Bone Marrow: Prepare for Maximum Rock ‘n’ Roll (and Maybe a Few Unexpected Bathroom Breaks)

Chord F. DiscordMay 30, 2025May 30, 2025

DEF LEPPARD, those lovable dinosaurs 🦕, have graced us with some “behind-the-scenes” footage of Vivian Campbell’s triumphant return to the…

Charlie Cox Begs for Daredevil Movie, Let’s All Pretend to Care
Breaking

Charlie Cox Begs for Daredevil Movie, Let’s All Pretend to Care

FinnMay 30, 2025May 30, 2025

Alright, listen up, fellow Daredevil stans! 🙄 Apparently, we’ve all been through some SERIOUS trauma because Netflix decided to axe…

Stephen King Movies: According to This Guy (Who Thinks He’s a Critic)
Breaking

Stephen King Movies: According to This Guy (Who Thinks He’s a Critic)

FinnMay 30, 2025May 30, 2025

Oh, sweet merciful crap, another Stephen King adaptation? 🙄 As if we needed more nightmare fuel for our already messed-up…

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Latest posts

  • Tekken 8 Now Ruined by Yujiro Hanma from Baki Because Who Needs Actual Tekken Characters Anyway and Also Harada Still Can’t Get Over His Waffle House Trauma
  • SEVENDUST’s LAJON WITHERSPOON Reveals Shocking Truth: We’re All Just A Bunch Of Equally Important Dudes With Beards And Guitar Riffs Who Can’t Decide On Anything
  • Simplification des Réglementations et de la Fiscalité pour les Gens qui Aiment se Faire Mal au Cerveau avec des Tas de Papierasserie
  • Dying Fetus at Maryland Deathfest 2026 (05/24/2026, Day 4)
  • Cephalic Carnage at Maryland Deathfest 2026 (05/24/2026, Day 4)

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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