Runaway Kangaroo Shuts Down Alabama Highway
Read MoreThe OnionA runaway kangaroo named Sheila managed to shut down a stretch of interstate in Alabama before state troopers…
Month: May 2025
Man From Pennsylvania Under Impression He Has Eaten Mexican Food
SCRANTON, PA — A group of friends received a detailed critique of popular south-of-the-border cuisine recently from a Pennsylvania man…
🥑 Moby releases 500 free vegan tracks — but there’s a meaty catch 🥓
In a shocking move that’s shaking both Spotify playlists and bacon-loving boomers, legendary electronic musician Moby has dropped 500 tracks…
Tim Walz Volunteers To Wear Gorilla Suit And Wrestle 100 Men
ST. PAUL, MN — Amid online controversy about whether 100 men could defeat one gorilla, former VP candidate Tim Walz…
Yeehaw! Saddle up for a totally objective and definitely not rage-baiting list of country music’s biggest hat-wearers from the last quarter-century! 🤠🎤🚜
Behold, peasants! Gather ’round and witness the definitive, unimpeachably correct, and utterly objective list of the 26 “Most Important” Country…
Trump: Russia Must Be Allowed To Keep Fighting As Part Of Any Ceasefire Deal
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Growing increasingly frustrated by the protracted diplomatic talks, President Donald Trump asserted Thursday that Russia must be allowed…
Bad Timing: Kilmar Abrego Garcia Honored With MS-13 ‘Employee Of The Month’ Award
HYATTSVILLE, MD — Any goodwill extended toward a controversially deported El Salvadorian man took a hit this week due to…
Lemmy gets another statue in Stoke-On-Trent because one wasn’t nearly metal enough 🤘😂
Oh my gawd, you guize! 😱 They’re actually doing it! They’re building a monument to Lemmy in Stoke-on-Trent. Stoke-on-freaking-Trent! 🤣…
Tom Angelripper takes a break from touring to finally learn how to parallel park 🚗 and maybe knit a cozy little pentagram 🧶
OH. MY. SODOM. 😱 Angelripper, the thrash metal overlord, has decided that headbanging is for *peasants* and airports are, like,…
Étoile? More like E-TOILET🚽… prepare for a dump of opinions!
So, ‘Étoile’ Season 1 gets a whopping 7.5 out of 10 stars, huh? 🙄 Must be groundbreaking television. I mean,…