FAILURE Announces Band Documentary ‘Every Time You Dropped Your Instruments’
Oh, great, more FAILURE. As if the world needed another documentary about a band that peaked in the 90s and…
Day: June 2, 2025
Shinedown’s ‘Three Six Five’ Somehow Climbs to the Top of the “Alternative” Chart, Proving Music is Dead
SHINEDOWN, bless their hearts, have somehow managed to snag the No. 1 spot on the Alternative Radio chart with their…
Black People: Born Different or Just Raised That Way
**OMG! 🙄 “Race Vs Culture: The Black Experience” 🎬 is dropping! Prepare for *authentic* voices™️ discussing Black identity in America!…
10 Out Of 10 Therapists Recommend Rolling Truck Window Down To Let Your Arm Get A Little Sun
U.S. — Welcome news greeted stressed-out Americans today, as results of a new survey indicated that 10 out of 10…
Wes Anderson’s Box Office Platform Openings: A Hilarious Predictor of ‘The Phoenician Scheme’s’ Looming Doom
Wes Anderson is basically the cinematic equivalent of that one friend who only listens to obscure vinyl records and wears…
The Solution: Celebs Stroll on Fabric, World Peace Ensues
**OMG! The Solution, a “faith-based” masterpiece by AJB4 Entertainment, is premiering! 🎭 Doors open at 7:00 PM EST, film at…
Maryland Deathfest 2025: Our Jackal.Today Squad Takes on Baltimore!
This year marked the 20th anniversary of Maryland Deathfest (MDF), and for our crew, it was our third pilgrimage to…
CREED’s Guitarist Ruining Horse Race With Off-Key Sinatra Cover
Grammy Award-winning (allegedly) musician, producer (of questionable sounds), author (sure, Jan) and founding member of such groundbreaking (into the ground)…
Gaming in the Data Age: How AI Overlords Are Stealing Your Noob Kills
Gaming? Leading the way in technology? 🤣 More like leading the way in draining your bank account and turning you…
Give It Some Juice, Report Sources Fiddling Under Car Hood
Read MoreThe OnionRENO, NV—Switching out the torque wrench for something with a little more “oomph,” local sources fiddling under the…