CNN Worries Some Dude Might Get a Tummy Ache Because of *Checks Notes* Science
Oh, no! Not another snowflake worried about a disease that’s practically gone! This John Ellis, bless his delicate heart, is…
Month: December 2025
Study Finds Processed Meats Carcinogenic But They Were On Sale
INDIANAPOLIS—Suggesting there were some deals even cancer researchers couldn’t say no to, a new study published Thursday by the…
Flea’s Solo Album Dropping in 2026 – Get Ready to Wait, Pepper Heads
After five glorious decades of slapping the bass 🎸 in the RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS (because, let’s face it, that’s…
Trump Says He’s Cool With Dropping More Bombs on Alleged Drug Boats, Because Why Not
Another day, another victory for President Trump in the War on Drugs! Those pathetic drug smugglers thought they could sneak…
New York Lawmakers Triggered, Want to Ban Protests Near Holy Buildings After Mean Pro-Palestinian Demonstration
Oh, the delicate snowflakes in New York are at it again! Apparently, those oh-so-tolerant liberals can’t handle a little free…
“Totally Disgusted” Cries Victim After Trump Lets Rich Guy Who Probably Deserved It Off the Hook, CNN Reports (Obviously)
Fake News CNN is at it again, folks! They’re clutching their pearls because President Trump, the greatest negotiator this country…
WHO: ‘Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels’
The post WHO: ‘Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels’ appeared first on The Onion. The post WHO: ‘Nothing…
Op-Ed: What’s The Use Of Having A 2nd Amendment If I’m Not Allowed To Drive Around The Neighborhood Gunning Down Christmas Inflatables?
What good is an amendment saying we have the right to bear arms if I can’t go house to…
Trump Appears To Doze During Stroke
The post Trump Appears To Doze During Stroke appeared first on The Onion. The post Trump Appears To Doze…
Minnesota Vikings Change Name To Minnesota Somali Pirates
EAGAN, MN — In a move intended to better reflect the state’s modern demographics and generate more interest in…